Hi, my name is Frank and I will be narrating.
Blue beams shoot out from their heads. Big, fat, green aliens attack people with their minds. They want to take over Earth because they do not like their planet. They don’t like their planet because it is dirty. It is dirty because they eat too much and they trash stuff too much. They corrupt people’s minds. They make people do what they want them to do. They make them steal food for them, as they eat everything. Then, the aliens eat the people. They spit their bones out like chicken bones. Then, they make humans steal money for them. Then, they eat them. The aliens are really mean. They like to eat Hawaiian people the most because Hawaiian people taste like coconuts.
The aliens live on the sun. They are obese. They are constantly trying to eat each other. They hate sports (that’s why they are so fat). Their ships are their bodies. The smaller aliens ride inside the mouths of the larger aliens. They also like to eat American people because American people taste like bacon and eggs. They hate mint sauce on their lamb chops. They like to eat sausage dogs because they taste like sausage.
They think that toy money is real money. They hate exercising. They have a holiday called We Hate Fitness when they find all the fitness equipment in one nation and throw it in the ocean. They usually start with Hawaii, and finish with England. Soon, Hawaiian people will become extinct because of the aliens. Then, after that, the aliens will eat all the American people. They’ll start in New York and end in L.A. Then, they’ll go on to eat the Canadian people because they taste like bacon.
Soon, Canada will become extinct. Then, they’ll eat Japan. They like sushi a lot. Then, they’ll eat Italy because they like cheese, pizza, and spaghetti a lot. Italians will also become extinct. Then, they’ll eat the Australians who will also quickly become extinct. Then, they’ll eat Africa for the fried fish. Then, they’ll eat Europe. No one is going to stop them.
Soon, the Aliens will become extinct because there will be no humans left to eat. Soon, they’ll have to eat each other. They’ll look at their dogs and lick their lips. They’ll destroy supermarkets for more food and, when there is no food left, they’ll eat babies, sons, daughters, grandparents, and so on.
Then, when the there is one alien left, he’ll just eat himself. Soon, zombies will come to Earth. Soon, a zombie will become president. His name is Zonald Zrump. There’s also another zombie named Zernie Zanders. Zarack Zbama is the president right now. There is another person running against Zernie and Zonald. His name is Zeb Zush. There’s also Zilliary Zlinton.
They like to trash talk to each other.
The sport that zombies play is called walking. The fastest player walks one millimeter per hour. A game goes on for five years. The slowest player goes 0.000001 millimeters per hour. Although humans hate it, zombies love it. The best person at walking is Zsain Zolt. YouTube is called ZouTube. It isn’t very popular, though. The only thing that ZouTubers say is, “Bububububuubuuuubububuub” and their videos only last one second. Everybody hates ZouTube.
ESPN is called ZSPN. Cartoon network is called Zartoon Zetwork. Zartoon Zetwork is the same as ZouTube. Sponge Bob is called Zponge Zob. Patrick is Zatrick. Squidward is Zquidward. Nobody likes the show. It only has one like because all the other zombies are slow at clicking the like button. It takes five years to click the like button.
Zombies eat themselves. The eat their own arms, grow new ones, then eat the new ones. And they keep growing again. And eating again.
Later, Zonald Zrump becomes president. He will start World War Z. Sadly, nobody voted for Zonald Zrump yet. They didn’t vote for anyone because they were so slow at everything. It will take them twenty more years to write down who they want to vote for. They don’t like to write because they’re so slow at it. They hate writing a lot. Every time a zombie writes, it takes them two years to write one letter. After they write one letter, they have to keep going on and on and on to make one sentence. It takes approximately twenty-five years. After twenty-five years, it takes them thirty years to mail it to someone if they have to. If they place the letter somewhere, it would take forty years. And, if they place it in a box, it would take sixty years.
After all those years, Zonald Zrump became president. When he starts World War Z, all the zombies try to eat each other. He makes people hate each other. He makes them eat each other. He creates chaos. After 200 years, they finally ended the fighting. Then, they decided to take up soccer. Each game takes 100 years to complete. It takes three hours to make one goal. The fastest goal ever was in 50 minutes. The man who made it is named Zeo Zallcott. The second fastest goal was in 60 minutes. It was made by Zector Zellerin. The third one was made in 70 minutes. It was made by Zamie Zardy. The next goal was made in 80 minutes. It was made by Zebastian Ziovinco. The next one would be made by Zaul Zogba. It would be made at the two hour mark.
One game a person named Zaheem Zterling made a goal in 30 minutes. Even though he ran a little slower than Zeo Zallcott, he ran really fast and made a goal. The latest goal ever made in a zombie soccer game would be in the 99th year on December 31st. It was made by Zer Zertesacker. But then a person made it even later than him. It would be the 99th year on December 31st also, but it was made on the 59th second of the game. It was made by Zabi Zlonso. It was a great goal, but he scored when it was 50-0, so he made the score 50-1, and it was for the cup. It was in the Zampions League.
So, his team lost. The other team’s name was Zrsenal, they got all of the really fast players. So that’s how they got it 50-1. Their goalkeeper was Zanuel Zeuer. He was the best goalkeeper in the world. No one on the other team scored except for Zabi Zlonso. The other team’s name was the Ztrikers.
Soon they tried to take up football, but they decided that it was too dangerous because it ended up with a bunch of people being decapitated and having their arms and legs cut off. So, they tried basketball but failed because when they jumped and they fell back down their legs broke and they would always have to find extra players. After they found extra players, extra players would get injured too. So they gave up on that too. Finally they took up baseball, but when the players got hit by the ball they shattered. And when they hit the ball, their arms fell off and they ran without arms. It’s a good thing that only pitchers had their arms always. Everybody else’s arms got destroyed.
Soon, only pitchers were in the game. There were no first basemen, catchers, second base, third base, shortstop, or outfield at all. Only pitchers cause everybody else’s arms got destroyed. They gave up the game. All the pitchers loved the game though because their arms didn’t get destroyed, but then soon their arms also fell off too because when they threw the ball it flew along with them too. But they had extra arms because of everyone else’s fallen off arms, but soon they also gave up the game. It’s sad that they gave up the game, but nobody liked it. They only game they could play was soccer, but then they decided to play another game, something called hockey. But then sadly they also gave up that game because when they were skating they accidentally chopped off each other’s legs, so they couldn’t move. They gave up.
After one attempt they said, “Bububububbubububuubu.” (Translation: goodbye hockey, we hate you too much).
So, they only played soccer, they couldn’t play anything else. The zombies all died out. So nothing stayed there for at least twenty-five years until the chocolate came. To be honest, the chocolate didn’t do anything, they just stayed there until something called the Blob came. The blob could only go, “blubbyblubblubblub” or they can just say, “blub.” So, their three leaders talked together, (they were the only ones who could speak one other language called English).
The oldest one said, “this planet is good, it has tons of chocolate to eat!”
“Eating chocolate is yummy,” said the youngest one.
The middle-aged one said, “Let’s live down there. We can just eat all the chocolate before we eat each other.”
So the oldest one said, “I’ll start with you.” He ate the middle, then the youngest. Then, he yelled at his people, “go down and eat the chocolate! Then eat each other! I don’t care who eats who. Whoever comes in from the top I will eat.”
Soon, a Blob came up. His name was tubby. Later, the oldest one tried to eat him and he succeeded but, after 200 years, the oldest one died. Then, the food people came but then they died because the planet was so hot. The sun was very close to the planet. The food people got boiled. For 9,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 years, nobody came. Nothing happened during that time. After that time, a robot civilization came and used the food people to survive and eat and fuel their bodies. After a while, the robots’ batteries ran out and they all dropped dead.
Now, I will tell you who the last human was. His name was Frank Richardson (me). Frank was in the army when the aliens invaded. He deserted the army so he couldn’t get eaten by the aliens. The army was too busy getting eaten to chase Frank. So, Frank hid in a basement with 200,000,000,000,000 pounds of food and water. He survived for 30 years.Then, he got eaten by aliens. He had no family (sadly, they’d gotten eaten by the aliens). He didn’t care about anyone!
During the time that he was alive, he texted the second last human on earth who was a Mongolian man. He didn’t know any english which wasn’t good for Frank. Frank decided to make an airplane to meet the Mongolian man. Then, he found a translator app on his phone. He used it to translate the mongolian letters. They read: Help, I am going to get killed!
Frank decided to make his plane faster. He finished the plane, packed his stuff, and set out on the journey. Then, he got a text saying: I am getting digested inside the alien body get away from this place! Frank tried to turn around but 90 aliens surround him and dive-bombed his plane with their teeth. He got eaten. Sadly, he never got to talk with the man in person. He made and designed planes. He also flew in airplanes.
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THE END
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R.I.P FRANK Richardson. 2056-2099
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Frank’s dead.
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I am not that sad that he died. I am actually happy.
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Sorry, Frank Richardsons of the world.