“Once upon a time there was a cow named Cow. She loved flowers, but there was no water. It was so hot that the water evaporated. Plants were dying. Flowers were melting. The cow was moaning, sobbing. She tried to sob over the plants, but it evaporated. Her sobs were the only thing stopping her from melting. The tears evaporated off of her cheeks.”
BOOK 1: COW VS. SUN
Once upon a time there was a cow named Cow. She loved flowers, but there was no water. It was so hot that the water evaporated. Plants were dying. Flowers were melting. The cow was moaning, sobbing. She tried to sob over the plants, but it evaporated. Her sobs were the only thing stopping her from melting. The tears evaporated off of her cheeks. She was so sad that she went to her house. She is a cow, so of course she lives in a big house all by herself. She went to the first faucet she found to get tap water for the plants. She filled a Swell water bottle because it keeps things cold. She only needed one. Then, she went outside and this time put the Swell water bottle right over the plant so that it wouldn’t be possible for the water to evaporate.
She took the cap off and shoved it down as fast as she could. The little plants started to grow! Tulips and sunflowers started to grow. Then, all of a sudden, they died. The sun was too hot, so they shriveled up and died. So, Cow tried to build a rocket to put water on the sun. This time she used at least fifteen Swell water bottles because the sun is so big.
She knocked her house down because her house was made out of metal. She started building the rocket. First the base, next the engine which takes a long time. Then the control panel, which was also metal. She named all the buttons: launch, start, release, anti-gravity, and emergency exit. She also needed to build a spacesuit. Cow went back to the dead plants and smashed them all together into a clothing material. She put it all over her body as a spacesuit. For the helmet, she emptied her dead fish’s bowl and put it over her head. She got a knife and cut a little hole through the back for the oxygen. For the oxygen pack, she grabbed a really big soda bottle and breathed into it, blowing it up like a balloon until it was completely full. She quickly put the top back on and quickly put a hole through and fed the tube through.
Now she needed to get fuel. She grabbed soil and squeezed all of the juices out of it. She used another soda bottle to catch all of the juice. Since soil is fuel for plants, Cow hoped that it would also work as fuel for the rocket! Once the bottle was filled with the soil juice fuel, she put it into the rocket. As the final touch, Cow moved her couch into the rocket as the seat.
She said to herself, “Three, two, one… blast off!”
The blast off looked like a giant explosion. Through a cloud of smoke, the rocket shot up into space! Cow was hoping it would work because of the fuel, and now it was! But Cow was worried because she couldn’t get in the rocket. It was too small for a cow! Her butt was sticking out of the front of the ship. She got into space and tried to turn the rocket by moving her legs since she couldn’t reach the control panel. Luckily, her legs worked. She was right on top of the sun. It was hot, and she was sweating. She reached out for the Swells, but she couldn’t reach! Luckily, she threw them in before she got in the rocket, so they were all there.
Out of nowhere, the Milky Way caught them! All of the Swells started rolling towards the Milky Way. The next day, they got right back on top of the sun. Cow grabbed the first Swell water bottle and poured it.
“Where did all of my other water bottles go?” Cow asked herself. “Oh right! I drank them.”
So then, Cow started slapping herself to make herself cry. She cried so much that a big glop of water just went rolling down, slowly because of anti-gravity. It got on the sun and covered the sun whole! It worked!
But the tears turned the sun into not the sun… it turned into a giant glop of water! Cow went back to Earth, barely missing the plants because of her legs. She landed right where her house used to be, next to her garden. For some reason, it wasn’t hot anymore. It was cold and rainy.
“Oh no!” said Cow. “A new problem, for me this time! For me and the plants this time!”
BOOK 2: COW VS. WATER
It was raining, pouring all over Cow and her rocket.
“I have to fix this! But the problem is that fire can’t go in space I don’t think!” Cow said to herself. “But maybe I could bring the rocket and not release the rocket until I get to the sun and not light it up as much as it used to be, that way it’s mostly sun, but still water because water is still good for the plants.”
Cow hoped this plan would work. She got right back in the rocket, but first she needed more fuel. She squeezed some more soil into the fuel bottle. She didn’t get any Swell bottles this time, instead she went right to the spaceship, filled the ship and got right into space. The vast cloud of smoke came again, right under the rocket.
Still sticking out of the rocket, but this time with her head, she thought to herself, Maybe I should lose some weight…
But there was no time for losing weight now, though! Cow had to save the planet. So then, once she got back in space, Cow got right up to the sun, well the water sun, and grabbed the light torch. She emptied the water off the the sun and evaporated all of the water that she could see by setting it on fire with the torch.
“Half fire, half water!” Cow went right back down to Earth.
Then, all of a sudden, it started raining again!
“Ah, crud!” Cow said. “Well, I need a new plan.”
Cow spent a few days trying to come up with a new plan while floating in an eight foot pool of water. The Earth was flooding.
“Maybe it would be better if we just didn’t have a sun at all!” Cow swam to the flooded supermarket, and nobody was there. She had her spacesuit on, so she could still breathe under the water. She went to aisle six, where all of the explosives are like fireworks, TNT and grenades, and took the TNT since nobody else was there. She swam back to her rocket (which was now her home) and after all of that wait, she now could kind of fit because what was there to eat in a flood? It had been a few days. She also noticed that she hadn’t dranken in two days too! She drank a big gulp of water. Oh no, now she couldn’t fit again!
Cow went back into the rocket, and luckily she already had fuel ready for the trip back to space. The rocket was now kind of flooded, and she said to herself for the second time, “Three, two one… blast off!!” The big puff of smoke didn’t appear for some reason. It went into the water, and the water started turning gray! It was getting polluted.
“We have to do this quick!” she said to herself.
She got near the sun when one one hundredth of the planet was covered with polluted water. She put the TNT on the big glob of water covering the sun, but right before she could do anything…
“No!” Cow screamed. She had lost her TNT. Right before she could push it down to blow it up, the Milky Way got her!
One day later…
“Finally!” she said. She threw one of her empty Swell water bottles, and it landed directly on the TNT handles, activating the explosion! Cow heard a big boom behind her. All of a sudden, her spaceship blew up too. She was right at the edge of the explosion and was thrown back into Earth’s atmosphere. She was falling but felt like she was flying. Except she didn’t know how to fly! She took off her helmet and fell as fast as a meteor. Cow hit Earth and bounced. Her fat made her bounce. She bounced all the way back to her house!
“Oh no, this is bad,” said Cow to herself.
Now there was no sun or rain. All of the plants were going to die for forever.
BOOK 3: COW VS. NOTHING
It was pitch black. Nothing anymore. Cow was out of ideas. No one was here. Everybody left for flode.
“It’s all my fault,” moaned Cow. “I wish I never did anything in the first place!” She was thinking of ideas to help the world. Finally, after an hour or two, she found out the solution! A rock gave her the inspiration. It was a small rock, maybe 3×3 and gray. She thought, Maybe I could get that rock and set it on fire! It could be a new sun.
She got back into her rocket with very little fuel left and blasted off with another cloud of smoke. She couldn’t see outside. It was too dark and cloudy. Luckily she knew where she was going. After the fifth try, she got her torch and let go of the rock in space.
Shhhhhhhh. Nothing happened to the rock.
“Ugh,” said Cow. “New plan, I guess. I can’t light rocks with fire… so how can the sun be on fire?” She immediately found out why. It was because the star had ashes in it. They were all over the sun, but Cow thought that they were bumps before. But then Cow remembered that that bumps weren’t black and peely.
Then, she went straight towards the volcano in Hawaii. There was nobody around her or anywhere on the beach. They were all on the other side of the world. Cow had never been to the ocean before. Cow’s rocket landed beside the base of the volcano, and she had to climb up to the top. Thankfully it was a tourist attraction, so they had special gloves on site in order to hold onto the rock. Of course, Cow’s hands are smaller than people’s hands. While hiking up the volcano, Cow didn’t feel very well. She had heard on the news about the guy who put his hand on top of a volcano, and one of the rocks popped up and went through his hand leaving a giant hole! But Cow was too busy thinking about saving the world to be scared.
Once Cow got to the very top, she had to wait until the rocks went upwards to try to catch them. She got one on her sixth try! She still had her space helmet on, so she didn’t breathe in the poisonous gasses. She grabbed the rock and took it all the way back to her rocket. Once she got there, she grabbed the soil and filled the tank up all the way. Then, she put more oxygen into the tank and blasted off. For the sixth time, she landed where the sun used to be. But this time, no sun. She grabbed the rock and threw it off and ignited it.
Pffffftt. The sun went back, but in a smaller version of itself. It didn’t grow. Cow went back to Earth feeling excited. In a few weeks, everybody was back!
BOOK 4: COW VS. CHICKEN
Until, someone got mad at Cow. A chicken, to be more specific because Cow caused everything. The chicken had a perfectly good life before because he had air conditioning. Chicken lived in the a/c apartment building in the city next to where Cow’s house used to be.
When Cow landed, Chicken started saying, “Hey you! You flooded my building!”
Cow heard him and said, “Well, I was trying to save the world from melting!”
“Well, you’re the only one without a/c!” Chicken responded.
“So what?” said Cow. “What if you had to go grocery shopping, it would’ve melted on the way.”
“Fine,” said Chicken, but he didn’t really mean it.
All of a sudden, a big grumble came. The sun was gone. The rock that Cow had put in space was now tumbling into Earth’s atmosphere. It came closer and closer and hit Chicken right on the head! He went on to tell a classic story called “Chicken Little.” Chicken ran away screaming, “The sky is falling! The sky is falling!”
“Oh no,” said Cow. “I’ll have to find a better rock.”
Cow grabbed the rock where Chicken was once standing, and for some reason it didn’t hurt her. There was no more fire on it.
“Oh no,” said Cow. “The rock isn’t working! It only works for one week, and it’ll never go right. And in three years, all of the soil in the planet will melt and so will planet Earth.”
Cow did not have an idea. She did not know what to do other than run into the leftovers of his house and make a little shed of a room. Cow turned on the only thing to make it through the crash: The TV. Her favorite show was on: Dr. Who.
She watched episode one, and out of nowhere an alien came up. This time machine looks good… Hey! Time machine! That’s it! Cow thought. Without turning off the TV or anything, Cow threw out the remote and ran out of the shed. The moon was up in the sky. Cow started to take apart the shed and the TV and put them into a box-like-shape. She put the TV inside the box like a photobooth. The final touch was the remote: except Cow put the Triple A batteries backwards. Cow took a deep breath before turning on the TV. The screen said: Which one? Forwards or Backwards?
Cow understood that the TV was talking about time. “Phew,” said Cow.
BOOK 5: COW VS. SUN AGAIN
Cow pressed “backwards,” and it started spinning. The TV screen said 3… 2… 1…
But then Chicken popped in out of nowhere! “The sky is falling,” said Chicken. “Hey. What’s happening? We’re going back in time, but I don’t want to go back in time.”
“Well, too bad for you. You’re the one that popped in here,” said Cow. They heard another large pop.
And they were at the beginning of that day. “Hey Cow,” said Cow.
She said, “That’s me just before that day.”
They came out of the time machine. “We are here,” said the machine.
They started looking for Cow, well Cow did at least. Chicken was just running around and saying that the sky is going to fall. When Cow finally found her former self, she said, “Whatever you do, don’t try to help the plants from the sun.”
“Why not?” asked former Cow.
“Because everybody will hate you in the future.” Then, Cow went back into the time machine.
He heard a large pop. “Haha,” said Chicken. Cow didn’t notice that Chicken was happy.
“Why are you so happy?” asked Cow.
“Because of your little mistake,” said Chicken.
“Well, how would you’ve known that it was gonna happen?” asked Cow.
“I have this machine that allows me to control the weather. The next step is to buy a bunch of fans and T-shirt companies. I will be the richest man in the world. And then I’ll just drive up the prices of everything. Until I will become the king of the world.”
All of a sudden, Cow kicked Chicken out of the time machine and then heard a pop. After another five seconds, they heard another pop.
And then Cow said, “Don’t listen.” He saw both of the Cows talking to them. One was with Chicken, and the other was with Cow. Then, Cow pushed her former self out of the way. And she said to former former self, “Watch out, Chicken is going to take over the world.”
“Just keep going on with your life, save the plants, do whatever you can to save them.”
Former Cow heard all about Chicken. Then, Cow took Chicken back into the time machine.
They heard a pop and another pop.
Cow gave Chicken to the police. He took him straight to the police, without stopping. He gave Chicken in to the police. They decided to put him in a high security prison. Then, he told the police to take down his company.
They did so. All of a sudden, the weather turned back to normal. From there on forever.
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