My name is Awesome, but everyone calls me Zombie Awesome… because I’m a zombie. All our first names are Zombie, in our house full of 23 other zombies. My best friend, Cool, is actually Zombie Cool. Read is actually Zombie Read. (He reads a lot.) Then, there’s Zombie Funny. And there’s Zombie Brain. He’s really smart and likes to eat brains, but he’s not allowed to because we zombies die if we eat anything besides candy and chocolate.
Cool and I like to eat candy, and on Halloween, we act like we’re fakes. So when we get candy, we don’t scare the humans giving out candy and chocolate.
But that means I can’t eat food that I like, like Oreos. If I eat Oreos, I die. The only way I can eat Oreos is if I climb halfway up Mount Olympus on Mars (It’s the tallest mountain on Mars, three times the size of the tallest mountain on Earth) and find a scroll with words that makes me able to eat anything I want, but I’ll still be a zombie. It’s the best thing ever made because I like being a zombie, and I like Oreos, and I like Taco Bell!
Even though I’m a zombie, I don’t like to scare people, but I accidentally do because it’s very easy. I just walk into a room, and all the humans go “Ahhh!” It’s kind of funny. But everyone knows zombies aren’t really scary.
When I was human, I was cursed by a wizard to become a zombie. I was 24 years old when I went to kill a bear. The reason I had to kill the bear was because I made a bet when I was arm wrestling and lost. I went to a place for shelter in the woods, and when I was sleeping, the wizard cursed me. Everyone else was zapped in the palace and became zombies.
It’s been three years since. I don’t want to be a human again because humans are boring. I was 24 when the wizard cursed me. Now I’m 156 years old in zombie years. Every week I become a year older. I am three years old in human years. When I was 52 in zombie years, I was one in human years.
My worst fear is coffee. It tastes disgusting. Also, I am afraid I will die like a regular human.
I’m at my house, and I decide that I’m going to go to the wizard. I want to threaten to kill him if he doesn’t give me a potion that will give me money or another way to eat oreos and Taco Bell.
From my house, I walk to Cool’s house. I tell my friend that he could eat Oreos if he comes to the wizard in the woods.
“I will join if you pay for the Oreos once a week.”
“Okay,” I say.
We’re in the woods. But then a tree falls down! We have to jump, but we can’t do it. We go around, and there is the wizard’s house. We are in the middle of nowhere!
We hear “muhahaha” from the wizard, and we are a little scared. Inca Cola falls out of our arms like human sweat. It becomes fresh right away. Then, we drink it because it’s like, totally fresh Inca Cola.
The wizard doesn’t speak. We use a truth spell called truthalishous. The wizard has to say the truth no matter what. He says what we want is in his spellbook. Pages 69 and 370 have the scroll. It says, “Candy and chocolate aren’t good for you.” The wizard names it something a zombie of our kind would never say. Every zombie is able to eat any food.
We go home and tell everyone, and they are so happy. It is awesome.