The Life of a Superhero

“Being a superhero is a tough job,” said the man in the suit to the crowd.

“The Guardian, do you consider Crusher your greatest opponent?” shouted one reporter.

“Yes,” The Guardian said thoughtfully to the flashing cameras. “He is powerful, however, I will finally catch him once and for all!” The Guardian replayed the last battle with Crusher in his head. All the flashing lights bothered him, but he put up with the reporters.

The last battle had been close. He remembered how easily Crusher had destroyed those buildings with one sweep of his blocky hands. When The Guardian had shot fire at Crusher’s armor, it had no effect, unlike in the previous battles. The Guardian quickly blocked Crusher’s attack with his shield before it smashed into his head.

“My boss knows all about you and your powers,” Crusher said menacingly. “He improved my armor, so your superpowers won’t affect me at all!”

The Guardian stood powerless before Crusher, who loomed over him. The Guardian quickly leapt out of the way as Crusher brought his hand toward The Guardian’s head. The only way he had won was that when he leapt out of the way, he leapt behind a building which Crusher smashed, bringing all the debris on him. Even though The Guardian always sent Crusher to jail, Crusher always escaped at the end.

The Guardian pondered Crusher’s last words about his boss. He wondered who Crusher’s boss was. He had to be really good at building stuff because the armor he made could withstand even the fire he shot, which melted anything. He didn’t get that much sleep that night.

While The Guardian lay in bed, he remembered the day he decided to become a superhero. He had sworn to protect the city after he saw the famous superhero, the Darrenalexkevinator, protect his parents from a gunman. When he had just started becoming a superhero, he had no superpowers. He saw a robber stealing a woman’s purse, so he ran after him. The robber hid in an old, collapsing factory. When The Guardian caught up to the robber, the robber started shooting at him. Most of the shots missed, but a few hit his legs and body. The bullets that missed hit a few of the supporting pipes, causing the building to start to collapse. Because of the bullets in his legs, he couldn’t escape, while the robber left him to die. It turns out that this factory was used for nuclear energy, and when the building crashed onto him, he survived by a miracle. He got fire powers and some sort of earth magnetism. Basically, he could control the earth and throw fireballs now. Whoever Crusher’s boss was, he knew he had to stop him.

The next day, he read the news looking for the mention of Crusher’s escape. Somehow, no matter how many guards were posted at Crusher’s prison, he always managed to escape the next day. The Guardian was surprised. There was no mention of his escape. The Guardian was relieved. Today he could get a day off from fighting Crusher. While he was watching the TV, suddenly all the power shut off. He got up in confusion and looked out the windows. All around the city, he could see that all the other power in the city was starting to shut off. Since it was so cloudy, there was basically no light.

Unconcerned, The Guardian thought a power line had toppled, causing a blackout. He decided to go to sleep. When he woke up, he had a pounding headache. When he looked around, he found he was in a jail cell. Suddenly, a man stepped out of the shadows. He was wrapped in shadows, like he was controlling them.

“Hello,” he whispered in a creepy way.

“Who are you,” The Guardian demanded. “And why am I here!”

“That doesn’t matter,” he replied. “What matters is that today is the day I will finally take over the world. No one will be able to stop me since I have locked all the powerful superheroes in jail, and all the other superheroes are too weak to stop me!”

Suddenly, the roof broke, and a thousand sandwiches somehow fell from the sky. A woman dropped down. “My name is Alexialalalalasass, and I can control sandwiches, like creating them out of thin air. I have come to save all the superheroes.”

“How did you find us!” The Guardian said.

“I stalked you for your whole life!” Alexialalalalasass said.

“Why?” The Guardian replied.

“Because I had nothing better to do!” replied Alexialalalalasass.

“Did you think you could really destroy me with sandwiches,” the creepy shadow man growled. Shadows came from the man and wrapped around Alexialalalalasass. When the shadows disappeared, Alexialalalalasass wasn’t there.

“What did you do to her!” The Guardian demanded.

“My shadows ate her up because they were hungry,” the shadow man said. “Now, I will invade New York City!” The shadows wrapped around the shadow man, and he disappeared.
How I am going to get out of here, The Guardian thought. When he leaned against the wall, he quickly leaped away. The walls were charged with electricity. As he rubbed his arm, a man in a black police uniform appeared. “Who are you?!” The Guardian asked.

“I’m one of the guards. Here is some food,” he said. He disappeared as quickly as he came. The Guardian inspected his lunch, which consisted of a bottle of water, some extra supa extreme chocolatey milk, and dark chocolate choco double choco triple fudge choco chip cookies. The outside packaging wrapper said they were made by STEVEN co. He tried to eat a cookie but broke his tooth. The Guardian soon got an idea.

The Guardian hid behind a shield made of dark chocolate choco double choco triple fudge choco chip cookies and threw water at the wall. As the electricity came in contact with the wall, the wall exploded. Some debris crashed into the cookie shield. Nothing happened. The Guardian was free! He quickly knocked out the guards and freed the other superheroes.

The Guardian decided to take the cookie with him. The other superheroes had already left without him. He saw smoke rising from the city’s direction. After a few hours, he saw the evil shadow dude. His shadows were eating up people and buildings. The other superheroes were shooting lasers and ice and whatever they had at him, but the shadows were eating them. The Guardian threw some fire and earth balls, but the shadows ate them up.

Many heroes were missing. The shadow man was winning. He suddenly remembered the cookie. As he threw the cookie at the shadow man, it destroyed everything in its path. The shadows tried to destroy it, but when the shadows touched it, they exploded. The cookie smashed into the creepy shadow man guy’s face. The shadow guy fell to the floor. When The Guardian took off the shadow man’s mask, he suddenly realized it was Alexialalalalasass.

“How is this possible!” The Guardian said.

“I used a shadow clone to make the other Alexialalalalasass,” Alexialalalalasass said. The police came and made a dark chocolate choco double choco triple fudge choco chip cookie prison for Alexialalalalasass.


Two days later…

The Guardian was walking on the sidewalk when a guy wearing a spy outfit ran up to him.

“The sky will drop a UFO. Bye,” the kid said as he ran off.

The Guardian stood there wondering what just happened. Suddenly, he saw a UFO fall toward him. The Guardian jumped out of the way. A martian guy came out texting on his phone. When the martian looked up and saw the human, he jumped about 90 feet in the air.

“Yowzahs, what are you!” the martian said, as the phone he was holding dropped on the floor. “Now look what you did. I was texting my girlfriend, Alexa, when you made my phone drop. Now I must shoot you with my stasis rifle.”

The Guardian was surprised at how quick the martian was to rage. When a bullet from the stasis rifle hit a pedestrian, it froze her. The Guardian stood with his mouth open, looking at the frozen woman. “You’re next!” the martian said as he ran crazily toward The Guardian, shooting randomly.

Just as a bullet was about to hit The Guardian, he threw a fireball at it. The bullet evaporated. The Guardian decided to spam fireballs at the martian. It turns out he should have done this long ago. Many of the fireballs hit the martian. The Guardian smirked at the martian.

“Hah, that was too easy!” he said to the martian.

A whole army of UFOs appeared out of the sky and began shooting lasers at The Guardian. During that day, Mars declared war with Earth because of The Guardian. Everybody hated him. “It’s because of you that my house was destroyed and we have to live in a nuclear shelter!” a guy screamed at The Guardian, throwing tomatoes at him. The Guardian was sad. He explained to the public that he was just defending himself. Nobody cared. They threw him in a deluxe jail.

Every day, they only gave him patties to eat. A guard named Squidturd visited him every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday to bring his food. Squidturd was the mean, careful guard. Every other day, a guard named Mr. Craps served him food. The Guardian heard from other prisoners that you could actually bribe Mr. Craps to escape. Perfect, the Guardian thought. I just need to find something valuable and bribe Mr. Craps to let me escape in exchange for that, but what could I use. The Guardian looked around, stumped. Suddenly, he noticed something. In the cell next to him was his enemy, Crusher. Crusher noticed him too.

“You’re dead,” he screamed, trying to break his bars. “At lunchtime, I’m going to pound you!”

Just what I need, The Guardian thought gloomily.

At lunchtime, he tried to attract as little attention as possible. It was too late. Crusher noticed him. Crusher barreled toward him. The Guardian looked down and saw his knees shaking at 100 miles per hour. That’s weird, he thought. I fought him before. Why am I scared now? As Crusher ran toward him, The Guardian put his banana peel on the floor and leaped out of the way. Crusher slipped on it and flew into the air, finally crashing into a wall.

“Hah,” he said triumphantly. “You got defeated by a banana peel.”

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!” a voice screeched out. The prisoners parted for a tall, mean looking lady.

“Who’s that old lady?” The Guardian asked a prisoner next to him.

“THAT OLD LADY,” she screamed, spit flying into The Guardian’s face. “How dare you! My name is Sarah! I am the director of this prison, and you two are coming with me for fighting!

What is this, elementary school? The Guardian thought, but he reluctantly followed the Sarah along with Crusher.

In all my years, I have never seen such insolence!” she screeched, pacing back and forth. “You both need a good scolding to learn your lesson!”

The Guardian stopped listening after the first sentence. This is boring, he thought. Suddenly, he noticed something on Sarah’s neck. It was an emerald necklace. AHA, he thought. Just what I need. I can steal it and bribe Mr. Craps into helping me escape.

Over the next few days, he spent his days memorizing the layout of the prison. He realized his best chance was to sneak into Sarah’s bedroom to steal the necklace. He bribed some people by giving them his food to pretend that they were him for a few days and for other jobs. While everybody was at the cafeteria, he snuck under the tables to escape. Dang it, he thought as he saw guards posted at each exit of the cafeteria. Oh well, time for Plan B. He whistled. Some of the people he bribed started to start a humongous food fight throwing clam pies, hot dogs, and ice cream. The guards and Sarah tried to break it up. The Guardian quickly snuck into Sarah’s room and put sleeping powder into his drink. He suddenly heard Sarah walking back. Where could he hide?!

When Sarah walked into the room, she felt something was off. Oh well. She sat down and took a drink. She fell asleep. The Guardian leapt out of the closet and grabbed the necklace. However, it said it needed a passcode to unlock. The Guardian decided to hide in Sarah’s bedroom to steal it when she took it off.

The Guardian hid under Sarah’s bed. After what felt like an eternity, Sarah walked in. “I hate being under the mask all day long.” He grumbled. Wait, The Guardian thought. Sarah pulled off a mask and under was Alexialalalalasass. The Guardian almost gasped in surprise. “That was a close match. The police totally thought they took me away, but it was another shadow clone.” Alexialalalalasass took off her necklace and got into bed. The Guardian didn’t take the necklace. He knew what he had to do to be set free. He would need to expose Alexialalalalasass to the world.

The next day, The Guardian had his plan in action. He started another food fight. This got Alexialalalalasass running in. “WHAT IS GOING — ” She didn’t get to finish the sentence. The Guardian had perfectly aimed cafeteria food at Alexialalalalasass’ mouth. While she was choking, The Guardian ran up to her and ripped off her mask.

“Sarah is not Sarah. It was actually Alexialalalalasass under the mask the whole time!” he told everybody. The police came and put Alexialalalalasass in jail. “Wait, she could be useful,” The Guardian said.


Two days later…

The Earth was no longer at war with Mars. With the help of Alexialalalalasass, they destroyed all the UFOs. The Guardian was free and now lived peacefully fighting crime.


The End

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