Chapter 1: #Princess
Once upon a time in the year 2013 there was a girl named Emily. Emily was the princess of England. Emily pictured herself as the perfect princess. Filthy rich. Amazingly beautiful. The only thing that could stop her was the perfect night at the ball.
”Emily where are you?” yelled Emily’s father.
“I’m in my room Father!” Emily called back, as she started to braid her hair.
“Father I need you to buy me a dress for the ball, like, now!!!”
“Ok sweetie. Be patient. I told you we are going dress shopping tomorrow.”
“But Father! I want to go today! If Mom was alive right now she would take me at my beck and call! I deserve more, father! I’m amazing! I’m the most beautiful princess in the world!
“And my prince! Oh my prince! He will be there with me, while I’m in the perfect gown and we’ll look like the perfect couple dancing under the dim lights of the ballroom ceiling. Being around all of those filthy rich people who are gonna adore me more then they adore their own children! It’s going to be wonderful father! If we cannot at least get the dress today, then let’s go shopping for the jewelry! I will look so pretty with sapphires or maybe emeralds on my necklace, to make my long blonde hair and blue eyes to stand out. Oh and my beautiful pale peach skin would stand out with rubies! So much to choose from! Lets go! To the vault!”
“Ok, but hold on. Your mother told me when this day comes, she knows you will try to wear more than three pieces of jewelry. So you may go down and pick one necklace, one pair of earrings and your crown. That’s it! Do you hear me?”
“Yes, Father,” responded Emily, like she was a little upset.
As Emily went down to the vault to pick out her jewelry, someone else was thinking about the ball.
Chapter 2: #Prince
“Mother! How do I look in my brand new tux? I got the tailor to make it for me for the ball.”
“It looks good on you, son. I’m so proud of you, and so would your father. He would be proud that you grew up so handsomely, I know I am,” said the mother of Edward as she fixed her hair.
“Thank you Mother. I love you.”
“I love you too, Edward.” said the mother.
Edward turned around from the mirror and stared into his mother’s wet, damp eyes. Then he hugged her tight, his carrot-red hair sticking to her dress, and his hazel green eyes blinking lightly while he rested his head on her small boney shoulder.
“I cannot wait to dance with Emily under the beautiful ball ceiling. Although it’s in a month, I’m still super excited.”
“I know you are. I know. Ok, well we still have to go find a crown for you. Come on let’s go upstairs.” As Edward and his mother went to the vault in their castle someone was thinking about the jokes that were going to be made at this ball.
Chapter 3: #Jester
“Oh I can’t wait to see all of their faces when I make my jokes! It’s going to be the funniest night of their lives!” said the Jester.
“Honey, your jokes will be hilarious. But don’t forget that it’s a ball, so don’t get upset if they want to dance instead of listen to your jokes, okay?” said his mother.
“Okay mother. But I know that my jokes will be too funny to resist. I’m just too funny to ignore.”
“Yes sweetie, but nobody wants a stuck up jester. It’s just wrong. It’s like Miley Cyrus with her tongue sticking out. Trust me I would know, I am the queen of jesters after all.”
“Very funny mother. Those are the type of jokes that I need for the ball.”
“I think those are good jokes sweetie but you need something with more pizazz. Something that will make them die of laughter.” She made a noise, “ba da! Ba da!”
“Where did that come from?” asked the Jester.
“When you’re a jester, sweetie, you need to have that to make your jokes funny.”
“Yeah ok. But, don’t you think I’m funny without all of that stuff?”
“Um, well. Uh. Well.”
“MOM! AM I FUNNY?!
“Um… no, sorry, hun, you’re just an average joker.”
The jester put his hand to his chest and dramatically gasped.
“Mother! I thought when I was 5, you named me a jester and not a joker anymore because I was one of the funniest jesters!”
“Yeah, well, I did that because you would cry if I didn’t give you the title soon.”
“You lied to me! Thats it! I’ll show you! I’m still going to do my jokes at the ball! And everyone will love them! Even you, mother! I’LL SHOW YOU! I’ll show you!” screamed the jester as he walked out the door.
Chapter 4:# The Jester’s Mother
My son is absolutely insane. He thinks that when he goes to the ball everyone will laugh at his jokes. Pssshhhh.
No one at that prissy ball will listen to him. They’re too fancy and full of themselves to even look at my son.
Plus, when I started, no one wanted to listen to me. They basically chewed me up and spat me out onto the street. I was the chewed up gum on someone’s shoe. I was the pile of poop that got walked away from because my jokes stank so much.
‘Ba da ba pa ch’
Anyway, the point is, he’s never gonna be a good jester, because he is the type of person who gives up if they fail the first time. I’m just afraid that when they do shoot him down, he’ll come running over to me telling me I was right. That doesn’t really matter because that is what I like to hear.
Anyway, I wish he didn’t choose to go to the ball. I wish he chose not to, so I wouldn’t have to see him get hurt.
Ever since his father died, he’s been really insecure about his jokes lately. It’s like he’s my son, but he’s not.
Chapter 5:# The Princess’s Father
My daughter is absolutely insane.
She’s so full of herself, it’s funny.
I’m really thinking about not letting her go to the ball. I mean, she really needs to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around her, although she is beautiful, and she chooses whether or not kids should go to school, and she supports the homeless people, to give money to us rich.
So I guess, yeah, physically, she does rule the world but mentally, she does rule the world. Oh my god. She does rule the world. Agh We’re all gonna die!
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god!
It’s time to panic! Everyone Panic! Now! I can’t believe done this! She rules the world! Agh!
Ok, I’m ok. I’m ok. I’m ok. I’m ok.
Ah! We’re all gonna die!
I’m not okay! Agh! We’re all gonna die!
We’re all gonna die! Agh!
While someone was talking in their head, and worrying, another was thinking about her son.
Chapter 6: #The Prince’s Mother
“I fully support my son’s decision about Emily. Well, not fully. Actually not at all. She’s such a brat. I don’t want no girl like her to be dating my son. She will change his personality. If she does, she doesn’t know what’s coming for her. I will get her, I will hunt her down and get her!”
“Hey mom. What are you yelling at?” asked the prince, as he walked in his mother’s bedroom.
“Oh. You scared me sweetie. I didn’t you were there.”
“I scared you? That yelling scared me. It sounded like it was coming from here.”
“Oh no, nothing is going on here. It’s just me and my old self. Doing old things. Sitting like an old per-”
“Mom! Focus!”
“The screaming. Where did it come from?”
“Oh ok. You got me. I was screaming at a bird on the window sill.”
“Yup. You were right. Old people stuff,” said the prince as he walked out of the door.
Chapter 7: #Princess
“My ruby earrings and necklace are gonna look so nice with my pink sequined ball gown I picked out for the ball. I’m gonna be the prettiest girl they have ever seen! I’m gonna be the life of the ball! I think its time for me to sing the victory song!
“Oh what a beautiful princess! Oh what some beautiful money! I have a wonderful feeling, everything’s going my way!!”
“Bravo sweetie! Bravo! Just like your mother!”
“Father! You were listening?!”
“You’re beautiful.”
“You have my attention.”
“I have found you the most handsome prince in the whole land!”
“But I already have one father.”
“Your hair flows beautifully in the wind.”
“You have my attention again.”
“Here he is!”
“Hello. I’m Philippe. You’re beautiful.” Philippe said, entering in to Emily’s room. He brushed his dark spooky black hair with his hand, and looked in her eyes with his dark green ones.
“Father I’ve changed my mind! I’m going to the ball with Philippe!”
While someone was dumping someone, someone else was thinking.
Chapter 8: #Jester
“I still have to figure out my jokes for the ball! And what to wear! Wait I’m a jester. I wear those stupid clown hat thingys. Duh.”
“What are you doing?!”
“Mother! You again?! I thought I ditched you!”
“As you did, my son, but don’t forget who’s the better jester here. Oh right. There’s only one! Ha ha ha.”
“Yeah there’s only one. And its me!”
“What are you even doing?”
“I’m picking out what I’m wearing to the ball!”
“Why? You’re a joker all you need to pick out for the ball is your jokes, and trust me I know you haven’t done that yet.”
“Mother you’re such a conniving snake!”
“Funny. But that’s my trick, so get your own!”
“No, I better keep it, just to annoy you!!!”
“Yeah ok. You annoying me? Hilarious!”
“Mother, you’re such a conniving snake!”
“Hey!!”
“Mother, you‘re such a conniving snake!
Mother, you’re such a conniving snake!
Mother, you’re such a conniving snake!
Mother you-”
“OK! OK! I GOT THE POINT! THE CHALLENGE IS ON! LET’S GO TO THE BALL!”
Chapter 9:# The Jester’s Mother
I can’t wait to see my son fail! Oh and all those people! They will be laughing at him! It’s going to be the most funniest thing that ever happened! I can’t believe I was about to feel bad for him! Ha! But now all I’m gonna do is kick his butt at being awesome! Or funny I guess. You know what I mean! I can’t wait to see him crawl back to me! This is gonna be great! Well, first, I gotta go investigate what jokes he’s doing!
While someone was starting to spy, another was thinking about changing his daughter’s date to the ball again!
Chapter 10: #The Princess’s Father
Ooh. I’ve got an idea. I think I’m gonna change my daughter’s date again.
It will show her that she can’t always have what she wants and she can’t always change her mind in a snap because she can hurt someone’s feelings! I can’t wait to show her!
“Hello, father. You rang my bell from the kitchen. What do you need my prettiness to do for you right now?”
“I need you to meet your new date to the ball.”
“You mean Philippe? But I already met him, father.”
“No sweetie, not Philippe. Philippe is gone. I’ve got a new date for you.”
“But I like Philippe. He – he’s genuine,” said Emily all googly-eyed.
“Is that because he said you were beautiful?”
“Maybe…”
“Ok. well, this is Duke. Duke has loved you since you were little.”
“Hi. I’m Duke. I really like how beautifully your eyes sparkle in the moonlight. I also really want a cookie.” said Duke as he swung his long brown hair against his sunset skin, and blinked his brown, hazel eyes, while he walked into the kitchen door.
“H-H-Hi. Father! I’m going to the dance with Duke! Forget Philippe!”
Chapter 11: #Princes: Philippe, The Prince, OH! AND DUKE!
“I can’t wait for the ball next week bro. I’ve got a new date.” Said the two princes at the same time.
”You go first” said Philippe.
”No you go first.” said the other prince.
“Ok. How about we both say her name at the same time?” suggested Philippe.
“Ok. 1, 2, 3!”
“EMILY!”
“Wait wha-” said both boys.
“Hey guys. Just got a new date to the ball. Her name is–” said Duke.
“EMILY!”
“Yeah how did you guys know?”
“Oh just knowing that me and Philippe have the same date, it was just a hunch.”said Edward.
“Wait… So she’s taking us all to the ball? Awesome!”
“No dummy! She dumped us for you!” yelled Edward.
“Oh! Well, You don’t got to be so rude about it! At least I wasn’t the one who got
dumped.” said Duke.
“Yeah well-” started Edward.
“Guys! Guys! Stop fighting! We aren’t supposed to be fighting each other! We’re the fighters! Not the ‘fighties’!”
Chapter 12: #Princess is Mad
Knock! Knock!
Suddenly the door opened.
“Hello boys. What would you like from Ms. Emily today?” asked one of Emily’s many servants.
“We would like if we could all speak to her at one time.”
“As you wish. Ms. Emily! Your future husbands are here!”
“Ok! Coming Pemberly!”
“Hello Pember-”
“Hello Ms. Emily.” Said all three princes at the same time.
“I can’t believe we all fell for you.”
“Me neither, but you did. So now we will see who wins.”
“Huh?” Said all three boys at the same time.
“You guys are going to play a game. You’re going to… fence over me!”
“Uh… no way we are fighting over you! You’re a coward! Forget you! Go to the ball on your own!” said the three boys firmly, as they walked out the palace door.
“Well that was some visit, wasn’t it Ms. Emily?”
Emily looked at Pemberly. “Yeah! Some visit!!! Hmph!”
Chapter 13: #Prince’s Mother
“I can’t believe Emily! She ruined my son’s life! She will pay for this! All he’s been doing for the past week is eating royal, rocky road ice cream, in a robe, watching TV, and every two minutes, he has new bits of chocolate ice cream in his hair, because parts of the ice cream was too chocolatey for him! I told Emily – well didn’t tell her I told me, but still she’s gonna have to pay! Ooh! I know! I’ll get her at the ball!”
Chapter 14: #Dear Diary,Jester
Dear joke book, I have decided that I am not going to do my jokes at the ball.
It’s just making me feel pressured, I guess. It makes me feel like my mom isn’t my mom anymore. She laughs when I mess up on my joke work, she doesn’t make me lunch anymore, and she tries to eat the whole breakfast before I get down from bed.
I miss her. I wish she didn’t challenge me as much as she does now. I wish she was back.
Signed,
Jester
Chapter 15:# The Ball
“The ball! It’s finally here!” said Emily
“The only thing is I don’t have is a prince,” said Emily all upset.
“I know sweetie. But at least you get to ride in this beautiful glass carriage.”
“Yeah, but it’s not the same!”
Then someone else was on their way to the ball…
“I can’t believe none of us have dates!” said Philippe.
“Yeah well at least we got each other,” said Duke.
“Duke…”
“Yeah?”
“I think thats the first time you said something smart!” said the Prince
“I know right!!!” said Duke, back to the first prince.
While someone was talking another was apologizing…
“Honey… I have to tell you something…” said the Jester’s Mom.
“Yeah, okay! What do you possibly need to say to me?” said the Jester.
“I need to say I’m sorry…”
“What?! Did you just say… sorry?”
“Yeah… I’m your mother, I’m supposed to cheer you on… I’m not supposed to go against you…”
“Thanks mom…”
“You’re welcome… but I want to wish you good luck.”
“Good luck? I thought I told you… I’m not going to do my jokes.”
“What?! No! You have to!”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not gonna do it either!”
“Oh… well…. I’ve decided to be more of son right now then a joker… so let’s just let them have no jester!”
“Now you’re thinking hun! I missed being a team with you….”
“Same,” said the jester.
Chapter 16: #Happily Ever After
Now everyone lived happily ever after… Well of course, except Emily.
The princes all got a date to the ball…at the ball,
The jester and his mother are still working as a hilarious team,
The father of Emily taught his lesson, Emily had no one to go to the ball with.
Emily also got another lesson taught by the prince’s mother, and Edward’s mother and Emily’s father started dating.
And finally… Duke got to eat a cookie.