the man in a bird suit that hardly looked like a bird. but i shot it down anyway. like a bird.

Hi there! Rosie here. And I’m going to tell you the famous tale of how I came across the bird that showed me the meaning of life: Have no mercy.

So, I was just strolling in my backyard when I saw this funny-looking bird. It had blue feathers and a red mohawk of feathers on top of its head and green eyes. Plus, it was unusually large. And it kind of creeped me out. At first, I thought it was a normal bird, but then it began to scream like it was the end of the world. Then my head hurt. Within five seconds. So, I shot the bird with a potato gun. Not dead, just “taken out.” Like they do in movies. It fell to the ground, and I looked up on Google what to do with an injured animal when you find one. The first thing that came up was to go to an animal shelter and give it to them to deal with. So, I put the knocked out bird in a sack and carried it to the nearest shelter. (Wow. That bird must’ve been very bad at defense if it could be taken out with a potato gun that I got at the 7-Eleven store.)

When I reached the shelter, I thumped the unconscious bird in my sack down at the desk and said, “One totally alive bird delivery.”

And then I walked out before they realized that I was basically kidnapping a bird. Run! But then, my legs began to hurt, and I gave up. Nailed it. When I got home, they asked why I had been gone so long, and I answered that I had been on a nature bird walk. And I walked away thinking to myself about how much they didn’t know. 

And that’s the tale of the bird that showed me the way to my destiny. Later, I found out that it wasn’t a bird at all. It was a man in costume.

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