Queep!

Queep was super mad. Actually, he was capital “M” mad. Why? Because he wanted the most wonderful painting ever, and so, he knocked down his neighbor’s house.

Queep was a big, scary monster who did things for no reason. He was green. Well, actually, he wasn’t green. He just wore a green cloak and never took it off, even in the summer, so he looked green.

One of the things he did for no reason was that he knocked down his neighbor’s house because he wanted the most wonderful painting in the world, even though his neighbors had nothing to do with it. He did it because he thought his neighbors were taking his packages, and he was expecting them to come in the mail (but he didn’t even order anything.)

The neighbors were out, but when they came home, they saw their house, and taped it back together with Scotch-tape that had been sitting in the freezer forever. His neighbors didn’t know Queep, because he only went out when they weren’t there.

His neighbors were humans. Their names were Buggy, Woggy, Shuggy, and Baby Welmer.

Whenever Queep opened the door to tell the world that he wanted the most wonderful painting ever, a big, red bird with a tongue taller than the Empire State Building, appeared and whacked him on the head (with his long tongue.) That was the only thing that Queep was scared of.

That night, Queep remember-dreamed of when he was born. Queep was born out of a black hole.

Based off of what you already know about Queep, you may think his house would be yucky and moldy like a normal monster’s house. But his house was so nice because he didn’t sit on anything, he didn’t touch anything, he wore a new pair of inside shoes every day, and he wore gloves, even if it was the hottest day. He lived in a big mansion, so it was hard not to touch anything. Even the neighbor’s house was dirtier. Queep hated dirt. If he saw dirt, he screamed.

***

One day, Queep went outside to tell the world that he wanted the most wonderful painting ever, and the big, red bird appeared. He stuck out his tongue, and he whacked Queep. It hurt because his tongue was made of electricity. So Queep got electrocuted.

Queep shouted, “Go away, bird!” but it was in Queep’s language, so the bird didn’t understand, or it just didn’t listen.

So Queep went inside, and he turned on the microwave for no reason. And then the house got hot, because the microwave was on. But Queep was still cold, even though it was summer. And so, he turned on the oven, and he was still cold. So he turned on the stove, and he lit a fire in the fireplace. And he sat on the chimney. And the smoke just pushed him off. He fell headfirst on the neighbor’s roof and smashed it open.

And they got mad. Especially, Baby Welmer. And Baby Welmer whacked him and then turned into the big, red bird. And Baby Welmer, when he turned back into a baby, was just himself again, as small as a peanut.

Queep remembered a time when he had gone to the peanut factory, and he ate so many peanuts and felt good after. And so, Queep ate the baby. And then Baby Welmer turned back into the big, red bird in Queep’s stomach. He stuck his tongue out of Queep’s throat, and Woggy pulled him out.

Queep screamed his head off and it made the whole ground shake. His head really fell off. So he taped it back on. But he couldn’t talk because his vocal cords were disconnected. So Queep ran to the bank and picked it up and threw it on the neighbors. But the neighbors weren’t there because they were still in their house.

While he was out, Queep thought of the painting of the bear with no face in the big, gold, swirly frame, and thought that it was the best painting ever. So, he headed towards the painting store. He put on a human disguise. But the painting cost too much money. And Queep only owned play money. So he tried to prank the guys at the store. But, when he put the play money in the machine, the machine got jammed, and Queep couldn’t buy it.

Queep then headed to the doctor to fix his head and vocal cords. After the doctor had fixed him, Queep headed home and took a nap.

Queep woke up a few hours later with a cold. He ran to the town hall with his tote that Baby Welmer had made a few years ago. Queep absolutely loved the town hall. The reason Queep loved the town hall was the elevator. Queep rode up and down, pressing all the buttons.

After visiting the town hall, Queep remembered that the local shoe department, where he stole extra shoes for inside, had closed down, so Queep ‘borrowed’ an iPhone belonging to an extremely fat woman who was always on social media, mostly Twitter. Queep didn’t like her for some reason. He didn’t know why. Maybe it was her strong perfume or something. Queep asked Siri where the nearest shoe store was. Siri said it was at 222222 Ralone Ultra Avenue. So, Queep set off to find it.

Thirteen hours later, Queep arrived in a miniature motor plane at 222222 Ralone Ultra Avenue, and boy was it ultra, because it took Queep thirteen hours just to get to 222222 Ralone Ultra Avenue.

Anyways, Queep flew right into the shop and landed. Right at first sight, Queep loved the store itself. The shop owner screamed. All the customers ran out of the shop, dropping all their items.

“My customers!” the shop owner wailed.

He fell to the ground and fainted. Happily, Queep grabbed all the shoes he wanted, and ran around the shop. Since he hated the shop owner, instead of calling the paramedics, Queep jammed the pay machine. Queep felt bad about doing this because he loved the store itself. Suddenly, Queep realized how late it was, so he ran out of the shop, cursing in his own language.

By the time Queep arrived home, it was 6:45 A.M. which meant Queep hadn’t slept through the whole night, but Queep didn’t care, so he just landed his miniature motor plane and whizzed inside his big, fluorescent doors. He had a nice, fizzy Pepsi and some Cheddar Bunnies in ice cream. Then, he spilled the Pepsi in his ice cream too. But really, Queep was tired because he just rested his cheek in his ice cream, fell asleep, and sleep-sang, “I like to eat apples and bananas!”

The next day, Queep remembered that his birthday was coming up soon. Queep’s birthday was on February 30th, which only came every 8 years, so Queep celebrated only every 8 years. This made him look much older than he was. Queep got out of bed and cartwheeled over to the television and turned on CNN. When the commercial came on, Queep headed to the bathroom, but found out that his toilet had broken down, along with his bathroom sink and bath. So he headed to the neighbors’ house to use their bathroom, but he accidentally walked in on Baby Welmer, who screamed and turned into the big, red bird and Queep quickly round-offed away. Well, Queep still had to use the bathroom, so he went in his kitchen sink instead.

Later, Queep decided to go to Starbucks. He got a hot macchiato using the scaring trick that he did at the shoe store. Queep could feel the warm coffee sloshing down his throat. Queep then put his human disguise on and then headed to the painting store. When he arrived, Queep saw the painting and instead of the usual rush of warmth throughout his body, he shivered, a lump forming in his throat, and a pit forming in his stomach. And for some reason, Queep left.

When Queep woke up, he knew he dreamt about something, but he didn’t remember what.

Meanwhile, a small one-and-a-half-year-old baby, who was traveling alone, boarded the train in Larxington Alley Train Station. The conductor simply scooped her up and plopped her down on a backwards facing window seat. The conductor put up some “Baby For Adoption”  signs in the station, and re-boarded the train. The baby pressed her nose against the window, fogging up a spot on it. She watched the blur of color as the train sped. Every so often, the train would come to a halt, the doors would slide open, a bell would ding, and a low voice would come over the loudspeaker and say the stop. For instance, “This is Larxington Alley Train Station.”

Finally, the train stopped and the low voice said over the loudspeaker, “This is Grassy Field Meadow Train Station.”

Finally, the little baby was picked up and brought to a small building called “Grassy Field Meadow Orphanage”. The baby was too young to know where she was, but she knew she wasn’t where she came from. Grassy Field Meadow was a terrible name for it, because it was a city.

Meanwhile, Queep was eating raisin bread soup mixed with a warm coca-cola, because Queep didn’t like when coca-cola was cold, so he always heated it first. After he ate, he ran out to town to watch the trucks on his favorite bench. He liked the bench because it was right across from a construction site. He liked to watch the big trucks push the cement around and build stuff. He especially liked the trucks that picked people up when they had to reach things. After a while, he got another warm macchiato. He brought his macchiato back home so he could pour it in his soup, which was getting cold. But, on his way home, he tripped on a rock and scraped his knee. He had to limp home, and when he got there, he put on 12 bandages.

Queep fell asleep but was woken up by the phone ringing. He didn’t answer it. A few minutes later, the phone rang again. Since the phone was bothering him, Queep decided he would go back to town. All of a sudden, Queep decided he wanted to leave “The Town Of Bore” (aka: Grassy Field Meadow.) He ran to Grassy Field Meadow Train Station and waited in a two hour line to stamp his tickets. But when he got to the booth, a sign said they do not serve any animals or non-humans.

“No! No!” Queep thought out loud, which wasn’t a good thing, because many people stared at him, and then, when they came back to their senses, they ran away.

Soon, Queep was positive that the lady in the booth was gone. She was a familiar lady, who Queep soon remembered was the one he stole the phone from. The smell of strong lavender perfume was still in the air. Queep wasted no time stamping the fat lady’s signature onto his tickets. Queep had gotten two seats because (no offense to Queep) he was kind of a big guy.

Queep just made it onto the train that the baby just so happened to be on. Queep sat in the backwards facing window seat that the baby just so happened to be sitting in, and Queep, just vaguely, could smell the scent of baby powder. He wondered why.

Queep soon heard a low voice come over the loudspeaker. It said, “This is Larxington Alley Train Station.” Queep stepped out of the train, got a warm macchiato and sat down on a bench. He watched two small girls giggling and talking. His warm macchiato trickled down his front. A pit formed in his stomach. He saw a mother kissing her small baby boy. Queep’s eyes filled with tears.

“I want someone to love.” Queep whispered to himself.

He began to cry.

No! Queep thought. I’m crying in public!

Suddenly, something caught Queep’s eye. It was a sign that read, “Baby For Adoption”  and in smaller letters it said, “Call 012-345-6789. Phone booth.”

It’s serendipity! Queep thought.

He took a train straight back home, and when Queep arrived at his house, the phone was still ringing. Queep picked it up.

“Hello, this is Greenfield Girl Scouts! Would you like some cookies?”

Queep put the phone down. It continued to ring. Queep shut down his home phone. He grabbed his stolen cell phone  and immediately called the number on the paper. 012-345-6789. Queep had it memorized. The line was busy. Queep’s heart sank. He tried again. Someone answered.

“This is Grassy Field Meadow Orphanage!” a woman said, ‘How can I help you?”

“Um…” said Queep, “Baby #7?”

“Ah,” said the woman, “Yes. Can you be here at noon on Friday, March 1st?”

“Yes!” Queep exclaimed happily.

That was Queep’s birthday, on the Queep-Calendar! (It has February 30th every eight years.)

“Bye!” said Queep.

He couldn’t wait. Queep warmed some Coca-Cola and poured it into his day-old soup. After eating, he went to sleep, knowing the next day would be great.

The next morning, Queep gobbled up his breakfast, and whizzed outside in his miniature motor plane. He arrived approximately eight minutes before noon. Queep politely parked his plane and walked inside.

Suddenly, Queep realized he might scare the lady at the front desk. Oh well. Queep thought, and he walked inside.

The lady (surprisingly) didn’t run or scream or stare. Instead, she took him to a small room labeled Rm. #7. Queep’s heart was racing. Would it be hate at first sight? Queep hoped not.

When Queep set eyes on the small baby girl, he smelled the baby powder on her. She was terrific! This was definitely love at first sight.

“So…” said Queep, “Can I keep Marcy?”

“Who’s Marcy?” the lady asked.

“I named the baby.” said Queep.

“You sure can!” said the lady.

She smiled genuinely. And that is just what Queep did.

Oh, and that painting? Queep didn’t need that thing anymore. Because Marcy just loved to do art.