SAM’S BIG ADVENTURE [ + the mailman ]

There was an alien named Sam. He was purple, had stringy arms, had two eyes, his face was a circle, and last but not least, he always had a smiley mouth. He was watching TV.  He watched until there was a commercial about things that were called “Pets” on Earth.

“Ghtjdtyuuiikjdcbnmamagtrdhhhjhtrefggnjndsjkhevtye,” he said, which meant, “I want to see that really badly!” Then the commercial on TV said that the humans on earth are going to make a show about pets.

“lkjdkad;kadjf.” That meant, “Super, I want to see it.” But, he noticed it could only be bought in the pet shop! But it was on Earth!

I have to build a spaceship, he thought.

Two weeks later:

“Okay, it’s ready to try out! Okay, ready, set, blast off!! Ahhhhh, that didn’t work.”

A week later after a bunch of testing and fixing:

“Finally, I know it works because I tried it. But wait, I don’t have a map to know where the planet called Earth is!” He said in alien language, “Aljdflkaj;dlfaslaljfdadk hdakfja jdklfajsi.”

Suddenly, there was a mail delivery from the mailman. He was lime yellow. He had a tie-dye shirt. He was holding a magenta letter. He was wearing a pair of homemade shorts and he had purple shoes. His face was a weird shape and he had a little bit of lime green hair.

The mailman had been spying on Sam the whole time.  He actually traveled all the way to Earth to look for the pet shop and write where it is.  The letter said it was a map to go to Earth and the certain pet shop.

“Akdjljfldf,” or “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you,” Sam said. But then Sam said, “Akj,” which meant “Uh.”

“Skafjkfk jkdj kajiwjf,” said the mailman, which meant, “I’ve been spying on you the whole time!”

Sam was a little bit confused and happy. He was happy because now he knew he could go there and knew where to go.

“Can I go with you?” asked the mailman, which in alien language meant, “Askah djkc poona cada.”

“Oosa,” Sam said, which meant, “Yes.”

The trip to Earth was fun. On the trip, they ate asteroid pieces and comet nibbles. The trip was fun until…THERE WAS A FORCE FIELD!!!

“REALLY???!!!” Sam said. That means, “TFRGTF!!!”

Then the mailman said, “There’s a certain black hole that you have to go into to get to the other side, and inside that black hole are four other black holes, and you have to pick the right one.” That meant, in alien language, “kjhaiuhwe;fkjna.skjhiueh.”

Then Sam said, “dtfgfgfgffggffttfgffgghhgfdsdfdgfggggfd,” and that meant,  “But where is the black hole???”  

“Gythghgfhtfghgghghghhghggffgfddet,” said the Mailman. That meant, “Well that is what we are going to have to find out.” Done done DONE!!!!!

16 minutes later, there were two black holes.

“Which one is right?” said the mailman, which in alien language was, “uh;khkjhkjhjk.”

“Well, one black hole is black and one is brownish, and this one is a special black hole, so it’s not supposed to be like an actual black hole,” said the mailman.
“Okay, so we take the brownish hole,” said Sam, which in alien language meant, “lkuhkuhiuhui.”  So they took the brownish hole.  

Meanwhile… ECHO echo… QUACK quack.

Sam said, “WHAT DID YOU SAY?!” That means, “bdcbhfdbhfdxdfjh!!!”         

“NO WHAT DID YOU SAY?” said the mailman. That means, “DFGFGHHGGGFHYTFTYHGT???”

Then they saw a duck before their eyes.

“AHHHHHHH!” they screamed. The mailman’s lime green hair shot up like a rocket.

Suddenly, this guy appeared in the black hole. He had the body of a genie but he was not actually a genie. He said, in a strange voice, “The duck is a creature from earth. It is a pet — sometimes. They were trying to make teleporters, but then instead they accidentally sent a duck into this black hole. So don’t worry.”

Then he disappeared in a cloud of smoke. Poof!

Then four black holes were in front of them each a different color.

“WAIT!!!!” said the mailman. “Don’t say anything. Because each of them means danger, but the yellow ones lead to quicksand, the blue one leads to really big waterfalls with alligators and mean fish in it, the red one leads to lava, the purple ones leads to an army of alive eggplants. So also, the walls are purple, so we should take the purple one. Anyway that’s the only one where there’s a possibility that we won’t die. All the other ones we’ll definitely die. Ready, set, hold your breath! We’re going in!”

They held their breaths and went inside. When they came out, they saw a giant army of eggplants with at least one yellow tooth sticking out of their mouths.

“Okay, did you bring the lava?” said the mailman.

They heard the eggplant say, “Okay, did you bring the boxing gloves?”

Then all said at the same time, including Sam and the mailman, “Yes! Ready, charge!”

Sam said to the mailman, “You know, just boxing, there’s a possibility we won’t die, but if the lava gun doesn’t kill the eggplants, then the red hole might be safe! But we have to first test the lava gun. And if the lava gun kills all the eggplants, then we know the red hole isn’t safe.”

“Ready, set, chaaaaaaarge!”

The eggplants all got blown away in the lava except one. The master of the eggplants. He was the size of a country house. He had the stinkiest breath ever and he had an an Alaskan headband that he stole from Alaska on Earth. He put it on his thumb because he was so big.

“Are you ready? Give it to him!”

They squirted lava in his eyes which were as big as a chandelier. They were bloodshot and bloody. The eyes fell out so he started thrashing about like crazy, so they spilled the lava on his heart and he died. But what the mailman forgot to say is, “Be aware, there also are live grapes everywhere.”

So then there were these little mini grapes who were like grape bombs. They look like grapes with little faces on them. But you had to go across them without getting hit by one, because they were explosive. So they carefully tiptoed across. Suddenly, Sam said, “Hurry, hop in the ship!”

That was because there was the end of the path in the purple black hole and if you stepped off, it would be like falling off a cliff. So, they rode in the spaceship and that black hole was meant to shoot you onto Earth so they shot up onto Earth.

The trip took two hours because of all the battling.

When they got to Earth they ALMOST forgot to put a human costume on! When they put the costumes on, they went to the pet store. At the pet store, Sam pointed at the TV so the pet store guy gave them the tickets to watch the show and then he watched it. It was the best! It was exciting and funny and awesome and cute and everything it could possibly be. Then he decided to go out on Earth and play an alien game on the grass before they left. The game is called Houhknoijij. When they went back to the spaceship, they took the video with them so they could watch it again.

It was a very long and exciting trip, especially when they made an eggplant shooter from the dead eggplants.



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