The Monopoly Twist

Once, there was a girl, July, from Texas.  Her name came from her parents’ love of the summer season, and she was born in the month of July. July loved to play many games, especially Monopoly, ever since her father taught her how to play. She would play board games everyday after school, even try to sneak board games into school. At night, she would dream of different strategies to win.   

One day, she and her mom, Julie, were playing Monopoly. Julie hated Monopoly because her daughter played it so much, and she was tired of it. But she figured that she would play for the sake of July’s entertainment. Suddenly, they heard a yell.

“I’m rich!”

July and her mom turned around really fast. They stared at the board with fright. Julie started punching the board, because she thought there was a mouse on the board, since it was moving.

“Get the exterminator!” she started screaming to her husband down the hall.

“Ow, ow, ow!” Uncle Pennybags cried, who July recognized as the main character of Monopoly.  

He popped out of the board, strutting around on the floor and around Julie, escaping her punches. He jumped onto the back of Julie’s foot, biting her ankle. Julie squished Uncle Pennybags with her ankle.  Splat!

There was a wet spot on her ankle, and she realized she made Uncle Pennybags pee himself.  He was soaked in the rotten-tomato, inside-of-the-fridge scent of his urine, and he barfed all over July.

July’s teeth were chattering as she watched her mother struggle with Uncle Pennybags.  She remembered buying the board at Toys-R-Us.  It seemed like just another Monopoly board.  She didn’t know what had made it different from the rest, but she found herself absolutely thrilled that the character from her favorite board game had come to life.  She turned to her mom.  

“Can we keep Uncle Pennybags?  Please, please, please, Mom?”

Uncle Pennybags joined her.  “Please put me in a cage! Please put me in a cage!”

Julie studied the 2D structure of the man.  He was skinnier than paper, made out of very thin cardboard so that he was almost transparent.  

“Like a pet?” she said, her voice slightly confused.

The Monopoly man ran out of the room, into the kitchen sink, and onto the drain-blocker, cleaning himself. What he didn’t know was that he was bathing in goo.

“Ahh! What the heck am I bathing in?  This is worse than my own barf! Ew!” he yelled. “I’m soggy!” As he turned, he forgot he was bathing in goo when he saw the cage. “Ooh! A cage! I’m a pet! Can you keep me?”

“No!” Mom shrieked.

“I agree with Uncle Pennybags. I want to keep him. If we keep him, I’ll pay you ten dollars,” panted July.

Her mom continued to yell, “Get the exterminator!”  

Suddenly, the exterminator came rolling in. Julie nearly exterminated this mysterious character, but exterminated an ant instead. The ant froze, and then shredded into tiny pieces.

July said, “Back to Uncle Pennybags. Can we please keep him, Mom?”

Julie said, “Fine, but you have to feed him.”

“Yay, I’m a pet! But what do I get to eat?” asked Uncle Pennybags.

“Dog food,” said Julie.

Uncle Pennybags cried, “Nooo! But at least I get to be a pet.”


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