Bloody Funny Story

I lay in my bed and shivered under the covers. Thunder boomed outside the window, and the wind was howling outside. A streak of thunder flashed and revealed the number 13 written in blood on my door. I shivered again. Outside the window, I saw a pitch-black figure advancing towards me.

A raspy voice chanted, “Blood. Blood.”

Then a clawed hand caught my neck. I screamed, grabbed my baseball bat, and whacked it on the head.

“Geez! Hey! What the heck was that for? I’m telling!”

I was confused. Monsters didn’t really tell on kids.

“Um, sorry. I… uh… didn’t mean that. It… sorry.”

When I said that, I noticed there was another dark figure next to him. It was another monster. There were several more smaller monsters behind the two of them.

“Oh no, you’re okay. My friend here just called me a butthead. Anyways, I’m telling on you, Spiritgrabber! You’re so mean!” said the second monster. “So, wanna be friends? I mean, I don’t really want to be the ‘bad guy’ here.”

“Hey, dude. I’m Spiritgrabber. This is my friend, Blooddrinker,” said the other monster.

“Um, okay. Sure. If you want, I have some juice in the fridge. Want some? I can go get it,” I said.

“Sure, if you wouldn’t mind, I’m very thirsty. Oh, and some for Spiritgrabber too,” said Blooddrinker.

“Okay. But can you carry me? I’m scared,” I said.

He lifted me up onto his shoulders.

“Wheee!” I said.

We went downstairs. I switched on the light. My friend looked like an evil crow. But he wasn’t evil, he was my friend.

“Here. It’s orange juice,” I said, handing him two glasses.

We went back upstairs. I told him that my name was Kraken, that my parents were dead, and I had no one to care for me. He felt sorry for me.

“I know! I’ll be your caretaker!” he suddenly said.

So without any more words, Spiritgrabber and all the monsters in the house lived happily ever after with me.

Actually, no. Kraken, what about the rest of the book?

Oh yeah. Here’s the rest.

The day after, we went shopping.

“Can I have some bread?” said Bloody.

“Sure,” I said.

So we went to the grain aisle and picked up a bag of pumpernickel bread. It was Bloody’s favorite food.

“I want chocolate spread,” said Spiritgrabber.

Suddenly, a murderer jumped in the store!


Blooddrinker took a baseball bat and hit the murderer on the head.

“Ow! Mommy!!” screamed the murderer, running out of the store.

I hugged Bloody. He hugged me back. So did Grabby. But no one saw because we were at the shop at night. We didn’t even need to pay. We didn’t need a car. Bloody just flew us home with his mighty wings.

“Guys! Dinner!” I called.

“Ooh, melted chocolate and bread!” the other monsters said excitedly.

“Dig in, everybody! I made a big platter of it as a special treat!” I called.

Everybody took forks and spoons, and they hungrily broke the chocolate brulee into a big, empty platter pan.

After dinner, we watched “Mocha and Belize: Stranded on First Cup Tee.” It was their favorite movie, but it was pretty long, so we had to watch it in parts.

Then, we slept. I cuddled Bloody and Grabby. I had made a big bed with wood from Spooky Pine Woods and at least twelve mattresses.

No, Kraken. There’s more, right?

Oh, yeah. Here’s the last part.

The next day, it was cold and stormy outside. In the dim light, I looked at myself. I had grown hair all over, a furry tail, and claws!

I had turned into a kid Werewolf! I didn’t really care, though. We couldn’t go outdoors to play monsterball or tag, so we watched a comedy show. It was called “Drake’s Comedy Crash.”

Then, it stopped raining, but Drake’s jokes weren’t funny enough to keep my monsters awake. They fell asleep on me. So I fell asleep too.


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