Today is December 13, 1972. I made an oil rig to give me oil, but on my way home, I dropped some oil on a lit match. The oil caught on fire and the smoke was so black that the fire department came to put out the fire. Ten fire departments came. Suddenly, everyone was 10 million hours away so I said, “Who cares, I suppose I’ll just take a lamp and see what happens.”
And so, for some reason, this strange thing appeared. It looked like a water spout. But I said, “It can’t be that because it’s blue.” So I looked at that and said, “I wonder what this button does.” And so I went down into this room with steaming hot vats of liquid below them. Green, red, and blue vials. And a vase that seemed filled with water. I took the vase and said, “Hopefully this will put out the fire.” I went back and I realized when I looked in, there was nothing in the vase. So I decided, “I’ll push the button again to see if I get the green liquid one.” I pressed the button again, but this time, it took me to another planet. I decided, “Isn’t there a back button? Maybe it’ll take me back to my original time.” No luck. I realized, “Well, there it is. Home planet Earth.” I looked at it. I realized how small it was, compared to this planet. This planet was much bigger. So I just decided to press this button and stepped on it with my foot because I was walking.
I went into this room—the exact same room. I said, “Well, maybe this button is different, but maybe this room went underground and teleported me here. But maybe the fuse is broken and it only took me halfway there, to this other bigger planet.” I looked around the room and said, “Man, this is more misty than I thought.” When the mist cleared, it revealed pure water that was moving. It was pouring out, not onto the floor, but once it left the vase it disappeared. I realized that this place was haunted.
“Sssssching!”
I heard the noise, two times. I said, “Boy, this place is creepin’ me out.” Then, this person appeared on the table. I realized, no wonder that vase was high in the air. I decided, well, maybe it’s not so impressive. Instead, there’s got to be more people, because I heard it as many times as there were tables and there were vases filled with water.
“Can I get a drink of water?” I said. I decided, maybe this water has some of this green stuff in it, so I went in the next room and tried to get a water bottle. I found one, but I thought, “Maybe it is old. I’ll just stick with the one I found in the hallway yesterday.” But I thought, “That wasn’t what I wanted, but I guess I’ll just drink out of this water fountain.” For some reason, I started having to compete with this other kid. So I said to myself, “I’m not going to compete with this guy when all I want is a drink of water and he wants that cooler.” So I said, “Why do you want that cooler?” And I thought, “This is really interesting. I’m going through a lot of conflict here.” So I just pushed him into the pool.
After he was in the water, I looked in and saw it was evaporated completely. “Can you pause right there?”
And the whole thing stopped moving. “BLINK!” Then I stopped moving. I stopped talking. I even stopped narrating the situation. I said to myself, “So, I can’t even think straight. What is that giant skyplane doing out there tilted at a 70° angle—in real life and in the story?”
“Burp burp burp burp,” I said to myself. And you know something? The story is glass? And I said to myself, “If the story’s made of glass, I must be in a slideshow, not a book.” But I realized that the screen is made of glass, and I’m in a TV, being typed right now by a teacher named Megan. And there’s a law school being built right now across the street, and around the corner, I saw Panera. And I said to the myself, and the audience, and to Megan, and to Collin the writer, “I’m going to Panera and taking a break, and getting a cinnamon bun and a Diet Coke. See you next time in Book Two of December 13, 1972.”
The End