The Living Fart

Part I: The Living Fart

The living fart is evil. It has a big nozzle where it sprays extremely toxic fart gas on people.

It all started one warm summer day, when a new restaurant opened up in town. It was called Pepper Paradise. One day, my friend and I decided to go there. We burst through the door. Wow! The whole restaurant was literally COVERED in peppers.

“Holy cow!” said my friend.

A waiter came over to us. He gave us both menus. I looked at the menu. I settled on an all-pepper pepperburger… BRAPPPPP!!!

“What was that?” I asked.

“It was you,” my friend said. We had now finished our pepperburgers.

“It must be all that peppers,” I said.

A shadow loomed over us.

“What’s that smell? Is it you?” my friend said.

We both had a desperate feeling that something was wrong.

GRRRR… I broke into a cold sweat… GRRRR…

A HUGE fart floated over us. “SAY HELLO TO MY STINKY FRIENDS!’’ It raised its arms, showing some quite crusty armpit, and he sprayed gas from nozzles in his pits.

I escaped from the putrid gas, but my friend got encased in the brown fog the giant fart produced… I had to save my friend… The fart was coming for me…

“Run!” my friend cried, still conscious.

And so I ran… and ran… I dashed down Main Street and down an alley and into a building and oops, that building was the haunted blacksmith shop.


Part II: The Ghosts of Blacksmith Shop

“Hello,” a soft, smooth voice said.

I whirled around. A silhouette greeted me. I saw that it was a ghost of a woman. She looked green-tinted, and I could see right through her.

“Aaggghhh!” I shouted.

Now that was embarrassing because something in the darkness moved. A ghost of a man!

“We will take care of you until that evil fart is brought to justice or something,” the ghost of the man said.

I was getting hungry. ‘’What about dinner?’’

“Ah, yes, dinner,” the woman ghost said to the ghost man. “I forgot that people had to eat. Go whip up something to eat.’’

The man ghost disappeared into somewhere I don’t know of and came back with a HEAPING PLATTER FULL of “food.” Stuff like fish bones and frog liver.

I groaned and stared at it with dismay. “Humans don’t eat this kind of stuff,” I said.

“Don’t speak to your elder that way, or you’ll get the whipping of your life,” the man ghost said.

“Don’t you know that laws have changed since 2,660 years ago?” I said. “That’s illegal now.”

But the man ghost tied me to the wall (with a dead monkey’s tail), opened my mouth, and shoved the food in.

The sweet stuff on there was probably fruit, and it made me drowsy. I fought to keep awake. I glanced out the window. A brownish haze covered the city. I could see the giant fart who sprayed its fart gas everywhere, and people died left and right.

“Must save earth,” I moaned, because I was drowsy. I ran outside. I tore across Main Street again. I skidded to a stop in front of Pepper Paradise and saw the restaurant owner laughing maniacally. I faced him and said, “You’ve got to make this stop.”

But all he said was, “No way, little boy.”

He grabbed the front of my shirt. Then my stomach started to feel queasy. The restaurant owner held me way up to his face. Just when his mouth was about to spit out some cutting insults, when it was wide open, I blew my cookies. And you want to know where it went? Bet you don’t. Well here it is… his mouth!

I was so happy that I defeated one bad guy that I forgot about the “other’’ until I nearly got stepped on by it.

“HOW DARE YOU!!!” the living fart screamed.

“I hear you,” I said.

Then the fart broke out in uncontrollable tears. “WAAAAAAA!”

This was the most emotional fart I had ever seen. I ran to my own house where I grabbed our battery-operated vacuum cleaner. I heaved it to where the fart was still crying. Then I pushed the “on’’ button. The vacuum began sucking up the fart.


Now that the fart was taken care of, I needed to deal with the restaurant owner, who had fainted. Now I don’t know if this is legal, so don’t blame me for doing it. I picked up the restaurant owner and threw him in the air. Then, when he came down, I raised my knee against his back. I did this a couple times until I was sure he was dead. Then I went down the alley and had a party with the ghosts.


After our party was done, I remembered I had to rebuild the city. But first I decided to check out the restaurant. There was just something phony about it that I couldn’t shake out of my mind. I noticed a small door near the back of the restaurant. I kicked open the door and went inside.

WOW!”  I gasped when I saw inside. There were shelves and shelves and shelves of all different kinds of liquids. One was labeled ultimate super power juice. I drank it.

I started flying around. “Wheeee!’’

Then I flew out of the restaurant. Once I was outside, I realized that all the people lying around weren’t dead; they were just unconscious. So I decided to wake them. Then I realized something: if I appeared flying, they would faint again. So I had to wake them up standing.

I walked over to a construction guy. “Get up, bub,” I said.

“Eerrrggghhh,” said the construction guy.

I grabbed a stick from the ground and hit the construction guy. “Go rebuild the city.”

He moaned, “Isn’t that a hard order from just a kid?’’ But he started building a house anyway.

Once all the builders were woken up, I began waking up all the other people. Once all the people were woken up, I walked to my family’s house. It was untouched, so I relaxed for the first time in days. And in just a few weeks, the neighborhood was rebuilt. Then a year later, the whole town was rebuilt, and everything was all normal.


The End!!!

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