Hello, I am The Narrator, and I am trying to write a nonfiction book about animals that live above and below us. I just finished eating my breakfast. And I am 37 years old. Currently I am at the beach, and I can see that there is a small bird named Mr. Bi-

“HEY! WHO ARE YOU, AND WHY IN THE WORLD ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME?!” the bird says.

“Whoa. What a big voice you got there, Mr. Bird. My name is The Narrator. People call me The Narrator. My full name is Narrator Narrator Narrator the Eleventh.”

“Well, that’s one long name… but WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME AND WH-”

“Mr. Bird, I wanted to interview you for my book.” Mr. Bird is currently angry about this interview. “Mr. Bird, are all birds like you?”

“NO, OF COURSE NOT!” Mr. Bird screams.

“Mr. Bird, what type of bird are you?”

Mr. Bird — Mr. Bird! Jeez. He flew away. Since it is a bit more quiet now, let me tell you more about what kind of bird Mr. Bird was. Judging by his temper and the color of his feathers, I think he was a seagull. I might have been close to Mr. Bird’s nest where his eggs and baby gulls were. I totally understand. Or maybe he had to go to this important meeting that only seagulls could attend. That would be awesome, wouldn’t it?        

***

I am now going to ride the subway and go to Central Park. Oka — oh. Wait a sec. Urgh… I have to refill my Metrocard… Now, I have arrived at the park, and I am walking towards one of the trees to take a look at what kinds of animals live there.

“Ohh! Mr. Squirrel! Mr. Squirrel!” *Pant pant*  “Wait up!”

Mr. Squirrel turns around and sees me. Mr. Squirrel, surprised, runs away from me.

“MR. SQUIRREL! I AM NOT HERE TO HARM YOU… I JUST WANT TO INTERVIEW YOU FOR A BOOK I’M WRITING!”

Mr. Squirrel waits for me to catch up. Mr. Squirrel stares at me like I’m the craziest person in the world… and that might be true since I am — never mind.

“Sir, do you mind if I interview you for my book?” I ask him politely.

“Sure,” he says while rolling his eyes.

Okay, then. So… Mr. Squirrel, can you describe a little about yourself, please?

“Okay, fine. Hello. I am Mr. Squirrel, and I live in this tree. I hide nuts underground so that I have enough nuts to survive through the winter. I am a gray squirrel, so I sometimes forget where I buried my scrumptious nuts below… but it does grow into new nut trees so… it’s worth it. Uh… Oh! Here’s a fun fact. I have a fluffy tail because I need it to keep myself steady and balanced. And I am able to walk across treetops, thanks to my bushy tail! But remember this. It would be better to just watch us do our work if you spot one of us because we might bite you. That would hurt. Wouldn’t it? Now, I will have to go and continue with my work.”

“Okay. Thank you, Mr. Squirrel. But before you go, here is a giant nut for you!”

“Aww… that’s nice of you,” he says.

Then he scurries up to the top of his tree and starts to eat his nut.

***

Now I am going to ride a plane to East Asia. To be specific, South Korea. Okay, now I have arrived, and I am currently riding a bus to the mountains. On the way to the mountains, I see a pond that looks like a giant jar of glass and see some turtles swimming in it. Maybe I can interview them later if I am lucky. But before that, I hope I can encounter a wild animal there in the mountains. Phew! Finally. Here are the mountains. Now I am going to start climbing. Oh, there is one tigress…
“Ms. Tigress!”

The tigress turns around with a rabbit in her mouth. She puts the dead, little rabbit on the ground and shows her fangs and growls at me and gets ready to attack.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ms. Tigress! I mean no harm.”

“Then what do you want?” she says, still growling.

“All I want to do is interview you. Currently, I am writing a book about animal behaviors. So I was wondering if I could interview you…”

The tigress looks around for traps and takes one good look at me.

“Fine,” she says.

“Why, thank you! Okay. So… can you just tell me more about yourself?”

“Sure. So I am — as you can see, a tigress, and my species of tigers are threatened… I am a carnivore, so I eat meat. I have two brothers. And doesn’t my hair just shine so bright in the sunlight?”

She looks up at the cloudy sky and now looks dreamy. I roll my eyes. *Cough cough*

“ANYWAYS… hmm… oh! You said that your species is threatened, yes?”

“Yes.”

“Can you tell me more about that?”

“Sure. So currently we, the tigers, are on the threatened list, since we are being hunted down too much than we should be and because of habitat destruction. Korea does have a lot of mountains, but their land is small so they ‘need’ to build more buildings. Then they would cut down the mountains, which we live in. For example, one day a random person that you have never met, and have no idea who he is, just comes up to you and breaks your house down? Would you feel great or miserable? Most likely miserable. Well, you wouldn’t be happy, right? And after we lose our homes, we would start to wander around and then starve to death since our prey lost their home too. It’s just really horrible.”

I feel small tears coming on my eyes. And now it’s running down my cheek. I don’t know why. Fine, I do, but not a hundred percent sure why.

“Thank you, Ms. Tigress. I shall have to run along now. Thank you again for your time.”

“You’re welcome!”

***

Remember the turtles I mentioned along with the pond on the way to this mountain? If you do, great. If you don’t, well, just listen. I am riding the bus that I rode before and going to the pond. I hope the turtles are awake. Ohh! Look at those beautiful birds and their nests on the trees! What a wonderful sight… wait… what? It’s already time to eat lunch… I’ll eat on the way, then.

Ouughph! Gulp. Sorry. My mouth was full. We’re here! Let’s get off. Ohh! Cool! And here’s some good news. The turtles aren’t asleep! I walk closer to the rock that the three turtles are just relaxing on. I don’t want to scare them or anything, so I just kneel down in front of the rock and whisper, “Hello, Turtles! I am Narrator Narrator Narrator the Eleventh.”

“Nar — who?” one of the turtles says while looking up at me.

“Narrator Narra — never mind. Just call me The Narrator.”

All the turtles start to look at each other weirdly.

“Ok-ay…?” the second turtle says while looking at the others. “So what do you want from us…?”

“Oh, nothing much. I just wanted to interview you for a book I’m currently writing. Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah, okay,” the third turtle answers.

I can’t hear what he said so I ask, “Sorry. Can you say it again, please?”

“I said, ‘Yeah. Okay.’”

I still can’t hear him very well so I take that as a yes.

“Okay, so what is your favorite thing to do?”

“Well, we like to sleep, eat, be lazy, and swim very slowly,” the first turtle says.

“Ooh. Cool,” I say. “And I‘m guessing that you are a… um… a red-eared slider since you have red ears?”

“Yeah. You’re right,” the third turtle says.

“Yeah,” the second turtle says.

It is getting darker. I turn around and suddenly find myself completely lost in the middle of the mountains. I am so excited about the turtles that I forget everything! I check my phone, and it’s 7:28. Oh no!

“Turtles, I’m sorry, but I’m afraid that I have to leave.”

I run to the bus stop, but the bus is gone. Uh oh. I slowly walk back to the pond where the turtles were. But the turtles are gone! Oh. Never mind. They are swimming in the pond. I decide to make myself a bed out of leaves and sleep here with the turtles. So I start to collect dead leaves and make myself a bed. I try to sleep, but I can’t. So I start to count sheep. Then I slowly fall asleep.

The next morning, I find myself at my own leaf bed. I rub my eyes and stand up. I check my phone, and it’s 6:17 in the morning. I walk towards the bus stop again and see a bus there, so I say a farewell to the turtles and go back to the bus stop, but the bus is nowhere to be seen. So I wait a few more hours for the bus in front of the bus stop. While I am waiting, I start to get hungry. I find a few snacks here and there in my backpack, and so I eat them. Oh, I eat ‘em all right. And I eat them real fast. After I finish eating, I wait for the bus to come. After 20 minutes, the bus comes! So I hop on the bus and say out loud, “Ahhh… the air conditioner… what a relief…”

I see that some people are staring at me, but I just ignore them and take a seat.

***

While I am going back to the airport to meet the red pandas, I look outside the bus window, and I see a lot of trees. Now I am at the airport and heading for the plane to New York City. I sleep during the flight, so I can’t tell you much. Here is a little fact about red pandas before we go in. I’ve heard that their diet is 85% to 95% bamboo shoots and bamboo leaf tips. I’m heading for the Central Park Zoo right now, and I am here now. I buy the tickets, and I am now entering the zoo. Oh. Here is the red panda exhibit. Whoa. There are quite a lot of people here! The red pandas are really popular! Oomph! Sorry! Excuse me! Phew. Here we are.

“Hello — Arrgghhh! Please stop pushing me! Ahem. Hello, Red Pandas! Can I — Arrrggghhh… Do you mind if I interview you?”

“Sure!” one of the red pandas says.

“Cool. So… do you think that you are better than normal pandas?”

“Well, you see, we are kind of related to pandas so… and I never thought about before. This question is a challenge.”

“Okay, then. Hmm… then what do you like about yourself?”

“That’s also a big challenge… I, uh… oh! I like my tail. I am really proud of that…”

“Got it. Thank you and have a bambooic day!”

***

Now I am at my headquarters. Mwahahaha! I now finally have all the information in the world! Oh. I forgot. This is my assistant, Ramona.

“Ramona, here is all the information I got about the animals. I’m so proud of myself. Don’t you agree?”

“Um… sir…?” she says while she takes a look at my notes.

“This information you can all find in the internet… ”

What is the internet?

“Well, it is a… um… let’s search it up on the internet.”

I’m so confused.

“Oh. Here it is… so the definition of internet is a global computer network providing a variety of information and communication facilities consisting of interconnected networks using standardized communication protocols.”

Well, that’s one confusing sentence. But WHAT?!

“Sir, this information can be easily found on the internet… I’m sorry to say.”

I am so sad. All this for nothing? But I still learned a lesson. And it was fun.