Smooshy Boosh

Once upon a time, there was a baby panda in the great, vast bamboo forests of eastern China. This baby had a massive appetite for anything with color, as long as it wasn’t white. He couldn’t stand it because he used to eat lots of rice. Then, he made a mistake of eating a lump of salt, and he gagged and fell face first into water and drank the whole river, and he sucked up half of the bamboo forest. Then, he knew that he would never starve, and he would never die of thirst. Plus, he could eat his way out of anywhere. The downside of his power is that the more he eats, the less time he sleeps. So, for example, everytime he eats something big, he loses a half hour of sleep.

Smooshy Boosh sleeps until John the Octopus finds him rolling around the sidewalk as cars whizz by them. John loves the Brooklyn Bridge since his home is right under it.

“Hi,” he says, waking Smooshy Boosh up.

“Hi,” Smooshy Boosh says. “Who are you?”

“What’s your name?” he asks.

“Smooshy Boosh. What’s yours?”

“That’s not important. You’re coming with me,” he says back.

“Okay,” Smooshy Boosh says, as he follows him off the bridge.

They get to the Natural History Museum and go inside a room cloaked by an invisible spell. No one else is there. They go inside, as Smooshy Boosh eats his strawberry toothpaste, and meet Twabin, the pink panther. They also meet the blue turtle, Toitel, who is drinking a blue liquid. John gives Smooshy Boosh pizza as they sit down to talk. Smooshy Boosh takes a bite with ease as John watches him carefully and amazed. Smooshy Boosh quickly eats John’s off of him. John gets an idea.

“Would you like to join our team?” John asks.

“What team?” Smooshy Boosh replies.

John answers, “A team of supernatural animals trying to save the world.”

Smooshy Boosh responds back, “What’s in it for you guys?”

“Personal gains and whatnot, Smooshy. The gasses, fuels, everything,” John says.

“Why me?” Smooshy Boosh asks.

John says, “You are supernatural. The pizza was metal. We want you to join us, so that we can have another very nice friend.”

“Sure,” Smooshy Boosh says because he is kind of dimwitted. He has an IQ of zero. TOPP has plans to use Smooshy Boosh as a test subject for their inventions and stuff, but Smooshy Boosh is unsuspecting.

TOPP wants to test Scar’s venom on Smooshy Boosh. Scar is a snake who’s wreaking havoc and murdering people. Since Smooshy Boosh can eat anything, they want to give him the venom in a double chocolate frappuccino to test if he is immune to the poison. And if he is, they can develop something to get an edge over Scar, so they can capture him and lead their opposing organization leaderless.

TOPP moves Smooshy Boosh to a test room that they usually use to test their inventions and give him the double chocolate frappuccino. There is a very acrid smell in the chemistry lab.

“For me?” Smooshy Boosh says.

“Yes,” says Leo the Penguin. And then, Smooshy Boosh slurps it right out of Leo’s flipper, and Leo shrieks and runs to the nearest washroom. Smooshy Boosh starts shaking, and then he starts shrinking, and then he grows so big that he makes the room explode. The other animals get smushed against the wall. And just as Leo comes in, he gets smushed into the bathroom. And then, steam starts coming out of Smooshy Boosh’s ears, and he blows up. And then when all of the smoke clears, Smooshy Boosh is normal sized again. Leo comes in and screams shrilly because he tripped on some of the ash on the floor and slipped into the bathroom again. John brings Smooshy Boosh to the examination room, gives him a drug, and Smooshy Boosh falls asleep.

Later, when Smooshy Boosh wakes up, he’s inside a giant tube made of glass. He panics and throws up all over the glass which breaks and shatters over Leo the Penguin, who shrieks and runs to the bathroom again. Smooshy Boosh thinks TOPP is a bit odd, but he still doesn’t suspect anything yet.

“Eureka,” Leo says, as he comes back from the bathroom. And then in the examination room he says, “Smooshy Boosh has an immunity to Scar’s venom because he has a chemical mutation, which allows him to regenerate extremely fast like Wolverine.”

They try to do the same thing on a test rat, but the rat ends up dead. Then, they realize the chemical reaction only works on pandas, and they all groan. At the same moment, Smooshy Boosh is in the room, and then eats the door off the handle, and then gets upset because he heard them talking about using him as a test tube. He eats the room and licks Leo, who shrieks and runs to the restroom again. Smooshy Boosh swarms out of the lab by eating all of the doors. He feels upset, disappointed, and sad.

Smooshy Boosh runs into Toitel, and Toitel says, “Hey, watch it. What are you doing anyway?”

And Smooshy Booosh says, “I’m running away from this organization that wants to use me.”

“Me too,” agrees the blue turtle.

Smooshy Boosh then went back to the zoo and was satisfied ever since then because of all he has been through.


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