Act One
DAN is in the restaurant talking to MANAGER. DAN is really angry at him.
DAN
What do you mean I’m fired?
MANAGER
You made tacos with poison inside!
DAN
Well, I don’t care.
MANAGER
Oh, you shut up.
DAN
It’s no fair!
MANAGER
Well, you always make awful stuff!
DAN
Wahhh!
MANAGER
Bye.
One day later, DAN comes back to try to persuade MANAGER to give him his job back.
DAN
I’m back.
MANAGER
Leave.
DAN
No!
MANAGER
Leave!
DAN
Stop.
MANAGER
Well, I forgot to tell you we hired a new chef. He is Chef Curry.
DAN
Is he the best three point shooter ever?
MANAGER
I don’t know, and I don’t care.
DAN
Okay, but is he?
MANAGER
Just shut up and leave!
DAN
Fine!
DAN sadly walks home.
DAN
Ummm, everyone, I got fired from my-
DAN’S FRIEND
Did you get fired from your job?!
DAN
Maybe.
DAN’S FRIEND
I hate you. Get back and ask them again. Plus, where have you been? I haven’t seen you in one day.
DAN
Well, I tried earlier today, and it failed again. I stayed over at somebody’s house last night because I knew you would kill me.
DAN’S FRIEND
Well, I won’t kill you, but I will help you try again.
DAN
Okay.
DAN’S FRIEND
Let’s go.
DAN
Hold up. can we eat dinner first, and what is it?
DAN’S FRIEND
Maybe… sushi.
DAN
Okay.
Act Two
DAN’S FRIEND
Okay, let’s get going.
DAN
But it is so early in the morning!
DAN’S FRIEND
Do you want your job back?
DAN
Fine.
DAN and his friend walk to the restaurant to ask MANAGER one more time.
DAN’S FRIEND
Where is the location again?
DAN
I always look at my phone for directions, and, as you guess, they took the link off.
DAN’S FRIEND
Well, why don’t we look at Google Maps?
DAN
Oh yeah. You are a genius.
DAN’S FRIEND
I know.
Five minutes later they reach the restaurant and try again to ask MANAGER to get his job back.
DAN
Okay, I’ll talk to the manager.
DAN’S FRIEND
No you’re not.
DAN
Why?
DAN’S FRIEND
Because you failed twice.
DAN
Fine.
DAN’S FRIEND talks to MANAGER.
MANAGER
Hey, what on Earth do you want from me?
DAN’S FRIEND
Ummm-
MANAGER
Well, shut up and leave.
DAN’S FRIEND
Hey, don’t say “shut up” to me, and I need to get my friend’s job back!
MANAGER
Ohh, wait a minute. Do you want that dumb wimp’s job back? What a jerk.
DAN’S FRIEND
I will hurt you!
MANAGER
Say that all you want.
MANAGER gets kicked in the butt and is moaning in pain.
MANAGER
Ouch!!!
DAN’S FRIEND
It’s your fault!
MANAGER
Fine, let him back, but arrest this dummy!
DAN’S FRIEND
Ahh!!! HELP ME!!!
MANAGER
Get her!
DAN
Oh no you won’t!
Boing! DAN crashes into MANAGER, and they both get hurt.
MANAGER
Ouch!
Act Three
DAN’S FRIEND is talking to the restaurant workers about not getting arrested.
DAN’S FRIEND
Stop it now, guys. He was taunting me! Plus, Dan put poison in somebody’s food!
RESTAURANT WORKER
Well, you kicked the manager, and now we know that you’re a mean person.
DAN’S FRIEND
But-
RESTAURANT WORKER
No buts. Now let’s take you away.
DAN’S FRIEND
NOOO. Please don’t arrest m-
RESTAURANT WORKER
Oh stop, just shut up and let’s go to jail!
DAN’S FRIEND
You dummy! When you get arrested, you don’t always go to jail!
RESTAURANT WORKER
Well, in this case, you will!
DAN’S FRIEND’S face turns red and is so, so, so, so mad.
DAN’S FRIEND
Fine!
RESTAURANT WORKER
Let’s take him to jail.
DAN’S FRIEND
Can you guys forgive me?
RESTAURANT WORKER
We will arrest Dan for you.
DAN
Wait a minute, what did you say?
RESTAURANT WORKER
Umm, I mean you might get arrested because you put did poison in somebody’s food.
DAN’S FRIEND
Wait, did he actually do that? Because, Dan, you are now busted. I tried hard to get your job back, and you never told me about this.
DAN
Nooo!! You’re my best friend!
DAN’S FRIEND
Well, now you’re not!
Act Four
DAN’S FRIEND
Dan, I need to talk to you!!!
DAN
Why?
DAN’S FRIEND
Because you put poison in somebody’s food and didn’t tell me about it! We are not friends. Now I will leave, okay? I want an apology. I was trying to get your job back and almost got arrested!
DAN
I’m sorr-
DAN’S FRIEND
No, I want a nice letter from you, and until then, bye!
DAN
Are you saying I have to mail a letter to you?
DAN’S FRIEND
Yes, and I want you to sit down and write for two hours straight.
DAN
Since when are you the boss of me?
DAN’S FRIEND
Since, I don’t care about this, just write me a letter.
DAN
Nooo!!!
DAN’S FRIEND
Wait, so you’re saying you don’t want to be friends with me? Byeee.
DAN
Wait!
DAN’S FRIEND
I said bye.
Act Five
DAN
Dang it. She ditched me, and now I’m lonely. This is horrible! I basically killed somebody! This is awful, and my friend is gone. I suck, and now she hates me. I do hate the manager, and it’s a good thing she helped me, but I never told her why I did it and what I did. All I said was I lost my job, and she still got mad! This is horribly horrible. I won’t send an apology, and I won’t ever, ever, ever talk to her again!
Act Six
DAN’S FRIEND is hanging out with her friends at lunch.
DAN’S FRIEND FRIEND
Hey, we heard you broke up with your friend.
DAN’S FRIEND
What do you mean?
DAN’S FRIEND FRIEND
Your friend told me. He said you were really mean to him, and he doesn’t want to talk to you. We never knew you were mean. Guys, let’s move to a new table!
DAN’S FRIEND
Wahhh!
Act Seven
DAN’S FRIEND
Nooo!!! He got rid of my friend, but now I want to actually be his friend! I have no friends, and he has no job! I’m really sad. I bet you a million bucks that he is also sitting on his bed, sad, thinking about me like I’m thinking about him. Tomorrow I will go to him, and eat dinner with him, and talk about being friends with him.
Act Eight
DAN’S FRIEND walks over to DAN’S house to eat dinner unexpectedly.
Knock, knock!
DAN
Who is it?
DAN’S FRIEND
Somebody.
DAN
Just tell me!
DAN’S FRIEND
Fine, it’s your old best friend.
DAN
What do you want from me?
DAN’S FRIEND
Can I be your best friend again?
DAN
Come in.
DAN’S FRIEND walks into the house.
DAN’S FRIEND
Hey, I’m sorry.
DAN
I’m sorry, too.
DAN’S FRIEND
Okay, now we have that over with, so we can eat dinner. I’m sorry that you lost your job, and I owe you for this. I will pay for dinner.
DAN
It’s okay, and thanks for paying for dinner.
DAN’S FRIEND
No problemo.
They walk to the restaurant and talk, and when they get there, they have a great dinner.
The End